Ask Rocco: 04/28

Whatever the F— happened to Health Care?

By Rocco Castellano

Not many of you know this, but I have been coaching many of the top fitness professionals on how to build successful businesses. The secret formula really isn’t that secret and it isn’t really that difficult to understand. Create a great product or service, deliver it with integrity and authenticity, charge a reasonable price that reflects the marketplace and market the shit out of it. There are a few more things, but this is the backbone of any real business that is successful in its most simplified form.

I think somewhere along the way healthcare practitioners, specifically doctors and more specifically OB/GYNs forgot they were actually a business. For some reason, physicians believe they are immune to business failure – just a clue, God, you’re not. Hopefully this is a wake-up call to the thousands of patients whose doctors suck to stop being afraid to ask questions, leave their awful doctors’ practices and have the balls to tell them to go f— themselves. The average person who is ill or needs medical attention believes the doctor wants to be a benefit to the patient. In most cases the truth has lost its way, and the medical practice is just chasing money.

Many of my readers don’t know this, because, well, I don’t give a shit if you do or not, but my wife is pregnant and is 30 weeks along. After the shittiest pregnancy I have ever heard of beating her up – morning, noon and night sickness for six months, a heightened sense of smell that makes everything smell like shit, and the ability to fill up gallon jugs with saliva everyday – you would think her OB/GYN would have some clue to help her.

Nope, not one.

That’s really not what this column is about. It’s about how f—ing stupid these doctors are and how ignorant many of them are to how badly their practices are run. Most physicians are saddled with complacency and office staff incompetence because the average American is stupid and allows the incompetence to happen. In the Midwest, no one wants to complain for fear that they may hurt some idiot’s feelings. Here’s a clue, Einstein, if your doctor sucks, they’re not helping you – and they still collect insurance money.

This is the second OB/GYN practice that we are leaving because it seems that these physician groups hire 12-year-olds who can’t tie their own shoes to make life and death decisions for patients that cause insane anxiety with the lack of patient-practice communication.

The first OB/GYN practice we left had us set for an appointment with a very prominent OB/GYN but when we got there, we were handed off to a midwife/nurse practitioner and were told it was common practice and that the OB/GYN would be handling the delivery. OK, maybe the physician is ultra busy and the light work can be handled by someone else.

We came in for the first ultra-sound and found out the prominent OB/GYN and half the practice had left and no one could tell us where they went – douchebag move number one. During the ultrasound the technician couldn’t find a baby if it climbed out of the vaginal canal and slapped the shit out of her. She blamed it on the one-pound tadpole growing inside my wife. Way to take responsibility.

So, a new ultrasound was needed. We showed up three weeks later because they couldn’t fit us in until then. They f—ed up and we had to suffer.

We walked in and were told the appointment had been made for us 30 miles away in their other office. We had never visited the other office, ever, and were told that we would have to come back in two more weeks. Yeah, that didn’t happen. So we found a new OB/GYN, supposedly equal in prominence as the first one. Famous last words.

We went back to get my wife’s medical records and they just gave them to her without asking for ID – nothing, not even what’s her birth date … or Zodiac sign.

So, we walked into the new offices and they looked like a successful practice; we handed them my wife’s medical records and were told we couldn’t see the “real” doctor until we saw another nurse practitioner and the medical records were looked at. OK, warm up before the big kahuna.

We got a call back from the nurse practitioner after three phone calls to her to finally get an appointment. She was on vacation, and no one else could help us.

F—ing amazing! We finally got the appointment for the nurse practitioner, were bombarded with paperwork that could choke Congress and were told we have to pay all the co-pays up front before we see the doctor. I asked why we weren’t told this in the eight phone calls we had with the front desk people, finance people and the vacationing nurse practitioner. The answer, drum roll please… “I don’t know.” And the obvious question out of my mouth was, “Don’t you normally tell people they will have to pay more than their co-pay, on their first visit?” Great answer: “Oh yes, all the time.” Well, then why the f— didn’t you tell us? Another great one… “I don’t know.”

Watch for next week’s conclusion to this clusterf—.

The views and opinions expressed in Ask Rocco are the views and/or opinions of the author and do not reflect the views and/or opinions of the Dayton City Paper or Dayton City Media and are published strictly for entertainment purposes.

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Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit roccocastellano.com.

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