Ask Rocco 12/29/15

… and what a F–ked up year it’s been

By Rocco Castellano

The fun part about writing a weekly column is that you are able to address the stupidity as you see fit as current events unravel. One problem … the idiots came out in droves this year and it was too overwhelming to fit it all in. Thankfully, my editor has given me the opportunity to give my version of a year in review column. It will most likely offend no less then a thousand people, so if you are easily offended, avert your eyes and look for some male enhancement or plastic surgery ads to hold your gaze.

Justin Bieber on the cover of Men’s Health

Words escape me every time I even think of this insanity. The second I saw the tattooed, 21-year-old on the cover, I cancelled my subscription—and not because he looked like a douche. That should have clinched it for me, but I try never to judge stupidity by its cover photo. I decided to waste the next 20 minutes of my life reading the article about how Justin Bieber was contrite and how he feels he was an asshole and wants to resurrect himself. The interview told of struggles with drugs, fame and how he wanted to change all of the misconceptions. Are you f–king kidding me?

I get the whole second chance thing, but the problem with the scenario he laid out is that Justin Bieber is not even old enough to get a second chance. At 21 years old he should be f–king up on a regular basis. He should be high, and he should be an idiot from time to time. That’s what 21-year-olds do. I did some historically stupid sh-t from when I was 21 all the way to 28—and some say beyond.

The problem is, Justin Bieber doesn’t have enough experience at f–king up and resurrecting himself to be on a magazine cover about resurrecting himself. I don’t care how many hours he’s spending in the gym.

Jen Selter becomes classified as a Fitness Guru

I feel the bile rising in the back of my throat as I’m typing these words. Only in America can you take a photo of your 21-year-old ass and have every woman in the world want to know how you did it. I’m not sure if the women of America are that stupid, or if the erosion of the fitness industry has led people to seek out fitness information from some neophyte with great gluteal genetics. It astounds me how social media has created the dumbest people into pseudo-celebutantes. Just a couple of clicks over to her Facebook page brings you to quite an array of adolescent boys and girls talking about her booty. This comment sums it up nicely:

“Hi Jen.

So I wrote my letter to Santa extra early this year and asked for you. If you can just jump into a sack and ship yourself to Ireland, I promise I’ll walk you and feed you and get you wormed and all that.”

If you put yourself out there using sex as your weapon, this is the respect you’ll get. You may be popular because people love your ass but don’t mistake good genetics, a scantly clad photo collection and a smartphone for having any sense of being a fitness guru. If it wasn’t for Instagram and 15 year olds with hard-ons, you’d be pole dancing.

Floyd Mayweather vs. Manny Pacquiao

I couldn’t bring myself to watch this fight. I even had tickets to go see it in Las Vegas. Mayweather had been ducking Pacquiao for years. Every excuse known to man was thrown out, from wanting drug tests to not being able to negotiate with Top Rank, Pacquiao’s promoter. It was all a smoke screen because Mayweather didn’t want to fight Pacquiao. The so-called “Fight of the Century” came and never lived up to a drop of the hype. I wrote a few weeks back about a true champion from the 1940s named Tony Zale, who fought another Champion Rocky Graziano three times in bloody, vicious altercations. Fights of the Century would include Mickey Ward going at it in a trilogy of fights that left people aching inside for both fighters. The battles of Ali and Frazier, Foreman and Frazier, Hagler and Hearns, Hearns and Leonard, the insanity of Aaron Pryor and Alexis Arguello—these are fights of the century. Not some fight that looked like they both were auditioning for a spot on Dancing with the Stars. Big money, bigger letdown.

The Death of a baseball legend

The Hall of Fame MLB baseball catcher, manager and coach Yogi Berra died Sept. 22 with very little fanfare. The perpetrator of injustices against the English language was famous for his “Yogisms.” My favorite will always be, “it ain’t over ’til it’s over.” I don’t know why but it always brings a smile to my face. Some of the quirky sayings that are attributed to him made him a lovable character, and helped him transcend baseball to a bonafide celebrity. Many of the things he supposedly said he would often deny, once saying, “I really didn’t say everything I said.” That was Yogi. At 90 years old we said goodbye to a certified legend.

I can’t wait for next year. To steal a quote from Forrest Gump, “Stupid is as stupid does,” and I’ll be here to write about it.
The views and opinions expressed in Ask Rocco are the views and/or opinions of the author and do not reflect the views and/or opinions of the Dayton City Paper or Dayton City Media and are published strictly for entertainment purposes.

Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit roccocastellano.com.

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Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit roccocastellano.com.

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