Ask Rocco: 12/30

New year … new you!

By Rocco Castellano

New Year, New You. That is the dumbest slogan I have ever seen. Every year, personal trainers, gym owners and supplement companies decide it’s the new year… so you should start thinking about being a new you.

It’s literally the same thing every year. You make a New Year’s resolution to work out and eat right, and you swear this year you’ll gain traction and finally get it done. Then January 1 rolls around and you’re still hung over because your “rookie” alcoholic mind thought it was a good idea to try all the brand new vodkas P Diddy and Dan Akroyd put out.

So what do you do? Well, you do what every normal hung over person would do: Get the greasiest hamburger, a pile of fries and hair of the dog – most likely vodka and OJ. After your greasefest, you get to feeling guilty over your stupid New Year’s resolution. The first day out and you already f**ked up. That’s a great start to the “new year, new you” campaign.

So now out of that drunken guilt you drag your half-baked brain into the nearest gym or personal training studio and decide that paying money will solidify your commitment to getting healthy. Because, obviously there is a sign out from that slaps you right in the head: “New Year, New You.”

My question to you is, why does this year have to be a year that is a new you? If you’re fat, why did you get fat? We’re not as stupid as the advertisement tells us. Unless you are as dumb as a box of hammers, you pretty much know why you got fat. You eat like you’re going to the chair, you’re reckless with your health and you really don’t give a shit what you put in your mouth. It’s very seldom you need a professional to tell you the obvious. You look like a pig because you are a pig. Stupid is as stupid does. We don’t have to watch Forrest Gump a hundred times to clue ourselves in to that reality.

Now I pretty much believe my generation, the over-40 crowd, totally f**ked up the subsequent generation. So I do believe the 20 somethings are smothered in stupidity. The reason is anyone over 40 believes their kids should have everything they didn’t, and that means a ton of fat. We now have two-income households, because we live far beyond our means. This has given us an unhealthy generation of kids. Everything that is put in our mouths and our kids’ mouths is filled with garbage.

If you can microwave something from a package, know that there is nothing healthy in that food – even if it says, “Healthy Choice.” You’re fat because you eat whatever slop the food companies put in front of you.

No one cooks food anymore. When was the last time you were in your kitchen for any reason other than getting a beer out of the refrigerator to get a beer? Do you even have cookware? A pot holder? The only times you probably cook are on the same holidays you go to church… Christmas and Easter. So not only are you a shitty Christian, you’re a shitty eater too. I may be on to something here … nah, maybe not.

Let’s get back to the “New Year, New You” stupidity.

You don’t need a “professional” to beat the life out of you to get into your skinny jeans (are they even in style anymore?). Most of us outside the “me” generation knows how to eat, and if you picked up a cookbook and actually read it, instead of looking at Giada’s breasts, you could also actually cook a meal. I promise. You may burn something once or twice but that’s just because you haven’t used the oven or stove for a while. Don’t be discouraged. Most likely, you’ll even have a little fun and surprise yourself.

Instead of being pounded into submission by some militant trainer or wasting money on a gym membership you know you won’t use, get down to the grocery store and buy some fresh organic food, grass-fed beef, pasture raised chicken and fresh squeezed juices and let that be the battle cry for a New Year, New You.

A friend of mine always used to say, “You can’t out train a bad diet.”

It’s not that hard to know what the right foods are, if it comes in a package and is supposed to be quick and easy, it’s not healthy. If it’s microwavable, it’s nowhere near healthy. Here’s a good rule: If it’s not in the state nature intended it to be, it’s not healthy. If it has ingredients like soy, soy lecithin, high fructose corn syrup, partially hydrogenated oil or a word you couldn’t pronounce unless you were a scientist, you shouldn’t eat it.

So instead of falling for the idiotic advertising slogan, New Year, New You and joining a gym, personal training studio or group class, start close to home – or actually in your home. Dust off the skillet, go buy an apron and throw some coconut oil and butter in the pan, followed by some veggies, push them around some, add some beef or chicken and let it brown. Now you’re on your way to being a new you in the new year.

Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit roccocastellano.com.

Tags: , ,

Rocco Castellano
Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit roccocastellano.com.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/19

L&D

Major key Last weekend a local couple was watching TV in their living room, having a relaxing evening, when suddenly […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/12

L&D

Jesus take the wheel A local couple recently decided to visit their church on a particularly warm and muggy Sunday […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/5

L&D

Flightless In a local park, police were dispatched to the crime scene. A woman called the police when she realized […]

The Docket: 8/29

285_2697643

Stolen in a nanosecond Just last week a woman visited her local sheriff’s office to place a tip on a […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 8/22

L&D

Totally secure knot …not In a local home a garage door was broken into. This garage door was perfectly secured […]