Archive by Author

Security Guard Stories pt. 2

The following is an email sent to my brother and various other close friends in regards to ridiculous people I used to know.  Certain names and places have been altered because I don’t ever, ever want to have any contact with most of the people in this story.  Ever. Hello.  This email pertains to a […]

Read More 0 Comments

Debate Forum Left, 7/5/11

Is this alcohol or lead poisoning? By Benjamin Tompkins If you drive about 30 minutes back into the high country on highway 285 in Colorado, just before you pitch off the map into the timeless oblivion of the deep back country, you will come across a sleepy little town on the edge of civilization. It’s […]

Read More 2 Comments

Debate Forum Left, 6/21/11

Seriously Congress? Permission, shmer-mission by Benjamin Tompkins I think one of the most frustrating things in the entire universe is watching Congress ruin a good cause because of a perceived procedural slight. It’s very playground, and when that procedural slight comes from the president, you can bet the size and scope of the tantrum is […]

Read More 0 Comments

Debate Forum Left: 5/31/11

Give them stability or give them … you know. By Ben Tompkins I’m not sure how a case can be made that President Obama calling for an independent Palestinian state, which is founded on the principles of security and respect for Israel and well organized autonomy, can possibly result in a less stable situation than […]

Read More 0 Comments

Ha! See if this is the tag line for you

This is the little bio line for another harsh, conservative opinion column masquerading as legitimate commentary on the front of FoxNews’ page: Michael Goodwin is a Fox News contributor and New York Post columnist. To continue reading his column on other topics, including Sarah Palin, click here. Yeah.  Can’t f-ing wait to check out his […]

Read More 0 Comments

FoxNews test of objectivity – replace “Obama” with “Reagan”

Fair and balanced huh?  A lot of you don’t know this, but the only reason Obama ordered the bin Laden hit was to garner political capital.  Oh yeah, political capital that was actually stolen from the years and years of groundwork GW Bush did in…Iraq.  Listen, I know a lot about not being objective.  I’ve […]

Read More 0 Comments

Debate Forum Left: 5/3/11

That’s “Therapists,” and I Hate You By Ben Tompkins Conspiracy theorists are an interesting bunch. I don’t recommend talking to them for long periods of time, because very quickly you realize that if you distill the content of their conversation, conspiracy theorists don’t talk about conspiracies. They’re really talking about themselves and their massively overblown […]

Read More 1 Comment

Commentary Forum: Ben Tompkins 4/26/11

JobsBlowhio By Ben Tompkins I generally don’t get asked to write things like this. If any of you have bothered to read my bio, you might notice that I live in Colorado, and as such I’m not a natural go-to guy when Dayton needs some perspective on state and local political issues. It’s not that […]

Read More 0 Comments

Perpetual Douchebag Syndrome

This one’s for the ladies.  Appendix A Perpetual Douchebag Syndrome is defined (by me) as a hateful, cyclical set of self-defeating, empty relationship skills that inevitably result in the sufferer whining to their emotionally stable and normal friends about how they always seem to end up dating douchebags.  It works something like this: A semi-naive […]

Read More 1 Comment

Security Guard Stories pt. 1

I don’t know why comedians works so hard to pull new material out of their butts.  As near as a I can tell, the funniest stuff in the universe is already being played out every day by collections of moderately-to-severely disturbed/bitter/hateful/annoying/sociopathic troves of pure comedy genius roaming the face of the planet completely unaware of their super […]

Read More 1 Comment

News of the weird: 12/16

By Chuck Shepherd Dying to get a date Like many in society’s subgroups, people who work in “death” industries or […]

Advice Goddess: 12/16

By Amy Alkon American idle My girlfriend is beautiful, highly intelligent and interesting. She’s smart for a living (as a […]

The Docket: 12/9

Strange, but true: Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim Researched and reported by Charles Grove Photo: The Miamisburg Community Holiday Event […]

Jingle ’Burg

Miamisburg Holiday Parade returns By CC Hutten Photo: The Miamisburg Community Holiday Event and Parade begins at 11:30 a.m. on […]

Advice Goddess: 12/9

By Amy Alkon Belittle Richard My girlfriend says she likes that I’m smart but says I can be “on” too […]

News of the weird: 12/9

By Chuck Shepherd Lead Story – TMI Kansas lawyer Dennis Hawver was disbarred in November for his comically bad (24 […]