Archive by Author

How to Think about Politics – opening: You don’t have to be a genius

I am not a political genius.  I will be right up front with that one.  However, one very often feels like one has to be a savant or constantly read the newspapers and old history books in order to gain any kind of understanding of the constantly shifting political landscape which pervades our every waking moment.  While neither […]

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The Hardest Low Blow in the History of Boxing

Perhaps some of you have heard of Andew Golota?  He was a giant Polish mofo who on several occasions contended for the heavyweight title back in the nineties.  He fought Mike Tyson and Lennox Lewis, for the heavyweight championship of the world.  These fights went like this: Tyson/Golota:  Tyson W – KO 2 – Golota quits after […]

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Santa Cruz hippies – Hit and Run

I wanted to add this on as a corollary to the Santa Cruz ass crack incident.  So my wife and I were driving into a rehearsal one morning, and I we were both pretty wiped out and grumpy because after about a week of constantly rehearsing new music you’re pretty tired.  I developed a new […]

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Shat Trek part 1

I recently watched Wrath of Khan, and it’s probably the best movie ever made.  I swear to god, don’t even try to rationally address that.  You’ll just come off as annoying and it won’t change the fact that you’re wrong. Now, any time I watch Wrath of Khan, I’m struck by the fact that Shatner […]

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Things Fred McDougall said that became much funnier as I got older and learned about history

To a roomfull of sixteen year old kids in the late 90’s:  “I hated Lyndon Johnson so much I campaigned for Barry Goldwater.” Us:  What? Fred: You heard me.  Barry Goldwater. Us: Sure…

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The Horse Story

This story is like the Haley’s Comet of Fred McDougall stories.  Everyone knew about it, but only a scant few of us were ever lucky enough to hear Fred McDougall tell it himself.  It is the greatest single story I’ve ever heard, and retelling it has been a source of great pleasure in my life. […]

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Fred McDougall and the Horse Story – a preamble

This one goes out to all the Troy High School students who had Fred McDougall for American History in high school.  I’m sure you all remember Fred if you were in his class.  He was a good teacher, and very interesting because he quoted Winston Churchill’s most offensive statements and threatened physical violence against slackers.  […]

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A History of Depression

I feel that it is important to share this with whoever happens to come across it.  Maybe it will make a difference, who knows;  I never know how many people read these anyway. I don’t remember when the spiral started, only one day I looked up and realized that I was halfway down the pipe, staring at the […]

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Santa Cruz has a lot of Hippies. And Butt Cheeks.

I just spent two blissful weeks in Santa Cruz, CA, and I must say that Surf City USA is the only place I can think of where a person can look one direction and see idyllic scenery, and turn the other direction and see the most destitute homeless hippies sifting through trash to lick out […]

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First to use DVDA in print…Awesome.

For those of you who read my debate forum column on the economy recently, you probably noticed that I referenced the Tea Party and DVDA in the same sentence.  Here’s the exact quote: “Well, I’m going to go out on a limb here and forward a political philosophy which has been sorely lacking since this […]

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Debate Forum Left, 8/9/11

$14 trillion for the Corvette By Benjamin Tompkins I’m in California right now. My deadline for this article is 9 a.m. EST. It’s currently 3 a.m. PST. Why am I writing this now instead of four days ago when I had plenty of time? Because nobody does anything until they have to. Ever. Except for […]

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Debate Forum Left, 7/26/11

A parent apparent By Benjamin Tompkins I think this ruling demonstrates very clearly that the laws governing parent and child are ridiculously outdated. Well, that or the Supreme Court of Ohio doesn’t care much for ensuring that laws governing parent and child remain relevant to this century. See, last time I checked it’s 2011. Gay […]

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Old Lady Get’s Shoved, and the Universe Thinks it’s Justified

I’m back from Spain and I’m jetlagged like crazy.  Newark bumped us from our flight home on Wednesday night and made up take a 7 AM flight, thus robbing us of the opportunity to sleep off most of it.  Newark can suck my balls, by the way.  First off, it’s a {s-t} town in a […]

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Security Guard Stories pt. 2

The following is an email sent to my brother and various other close friends in regards to ridiculous people I used to know.  Certain names and places have been altered because I don’t ever, ever want to have any contact with most of the people in this story.  Ever. Hello.  This email pertains to a […]

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Debate Forum Left, 7/5/11

Is this alcohol or lead poisoning? By Benjamin Tompkins If you drive about 30 minutes back into the high country on highway 285 in Colorado, just before you pitch off the map into the timeless oblivion of the deep back country, you will come across a sleepy little town on the edge of civilization. It’s […]

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Debate Forum Left, 6/21/11

Seriously Congress? Permission, shmer-mission by Benjamin Tompkins I think one of the most frustrating things in the entire universe is watching Congress ruin a good cause because of a perceived procedural slight. It’s very playground, and when that procedural slight comes from the president, you can bet the size and scope of the tantrum is […]

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Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/19

L&D

Major key Last weekend a local couple was watching TV in their living room, having a relaxing evening, when suddenly […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/12

L&D

Jesus take the wheel A local couple recently decided to visit their church on a particularly warm and muggy Sunday […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/5

L&D

Flightless In a local park, police were dispatched to the crime scene. A woman called the police when she realized […]

The Docket: 8/29

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Stolen in a nanosecond Just last week a woman visited her local sheriff’s office to place a tip on a […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 8/22

L&D

Totally secure knot …not In a local home a garage door was broken into. This garage door was perfectly secured […]