Archive by Author

Old Lady Get’s Shoved, and the Universe Thinks it’s Justified

I’m back from Spain and I’m jetlagged like crazy.  Newark bumped us from our flight home on Wednesday night and made up take a 7 AM flight, thus robbing us of the opportunity to sleep off most of it.  Newark can suck my balls, by the way.  First off, it’s a {s-t} town in a […]

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Security Guard Stories pt. 2

The following is an email sent to my brother and various other close friends in regards to ridiculous people I used to know.  Certain names and places have been altered because I don’t ever, ever want to have any contact with most of the people in this story.  Ever. Hello.  This email pertains to a […]

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Debate Forum Left, 7/5/11

Is this alcohol or lead poisoning? By Benjamin Tompkins If you drive about 30 minutes back into the high country on highway 285 in Colorado, just before you pitch off the map into the timeless oblivion of the deep back country, you will come across a sleepy little town on the edge of civilization. It’s […]

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Debate Forum Left, 6/21/11

Seriously Congress? Permission, shmer-mission by Benjamin Tompkins I think one of the most frustrating things in the entire universe is watching Congress ruin a good cause because of a perceived procedural slight. It’s very playground, and when that procedural slight comes from the president, you can bet the size and scope of the tantrum is […]

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Debate Forum Left: 5/31/11

Give them stability or give them … you know. By Ben Tompkins I’m not sure how a case can be made that President Obama calling for an independent Palestinian state, which is founded on the principles of security and respect for Israel and well organized autonomy, can possibly result in a less stable situation than […]

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Ha! See if this is the tag line for you

This is the little bio line for another harsh, conservative opinion column masquerading as legitimate commentary on the front of FoxNews’ page: Michael Goodwin is a Fox News contributor and New York Post columnist. To continue reading his column on other topics, including Sarah Palin, click here. Yeah.  Can’t f-ing wait to check out his […]

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FoxNews test of objectivity – replace “Obama” with “Reagan”

Fair and balanced huh?  A lot of you don’t know this, but the only reason Obama ordered the bin Laden hit was to garner political capital.  Oh yeah, political capital that was actually stolen from the years and years of groundwork GW Bush did in…Iraq.  Listen, I know a lot about not being objective.  I’ve […]

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Debate Forum Left: 5/3/11

That’s “Therapists,” and I Hate You By Ben Tompkins Conspiracy theorists are an interesting bunch. I don’t recommend talking to them for long periods of time, because very quickly you realize that if you distill the content of their conversation, conspiracy theorists don’t talk about conspiracies. They’re really talking about themselves and their massively overblown […]

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Commentary Forum: Ben Tompkins 4/26/11

JobsBlowhio By Ben Tompkins I generally don’t get asked to write things like this. If any of you have bothered to read my bio, you might notice that I live in Colorado, and as such I’m not a natural go-to guy when Dayton needs some perspective on state and local political issues. It’s not that […]

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Perpetual Douchebag Syndrome

This one’s for the ladies.  Appendix A Perpetual Douchebag Syndrome is defined (by me) as a hateful, cyclical set of self-defeating, empty relationship skills that inevitably result in the sufferer whining to their emotionally stable and normal friends about how they always seem to end up dating douchebags.  It works something like this: A semi-naive […]

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The Weight of water

Beauty, irony, loss By Susan Byrnes Photo: Prudence Gill, Over, Under, Around, and Through, 2015 Compared to many Midwestern states, […]

The Docket: 04/28

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim By Researched and reported by Charles Grove Balls of steel Officers responded at 4:45 a.m. […]

Chew on this: 04/28

Core reasons to eat more fruits and veggies By Jayne Powers In a perfect world, the healthy tenets of a […]

Absurdism, Dayton-style

Meet the artist: Sarah Kane By Eva Buttacavoli Photo: Sarah Kane, I Got You The Jelly Kind, 2014, archival inkjet […]

News of the weird: 04/28

By Chuck Shepherd Hard-hitting numbers In March, offensive lineman John Urschel of the Baltimore Ravens added to his curriculum vitae […]

Advice Goddess: 4/29

By Amy Alkon Shake it till you make it I’m new to online dating. I’m a nice, good-looking guy with […]