By Jim Bucher
You all know the saying “April showers bring May flowers,” right? But is it true? Well, I think those are flowers, but I can’t see them through the weeds. So, what other “things” happen for the rest of May?
Glad I asked.
Well, some of these May days you’ll have to wait for until next year like, May 1 is, of course, May Day. May 3 is National Scrapbooking Day, followed on May 6 by International No-Diet Day (that may be every day for me). May 7 brings us National Teacher Day and World Asthma Day (maybe these could be combined because I’ve met some teachers that will take your breath away). The first week in May is National Music Week (please insert favorite play list here). The 8th is School Nurse Day (no, really, I’m sick and need to go home. TRANSLATION: I don’t have my research paper completed for 7th period). May 12 of course is Mother’s Day and also Kite Day (hey Mom, go fly a kite).
May 12 through the 18 is Police and Transportation Week (there’s a joke here somewhere, but I can’t seem to find it). May 13 to the 19 is Children’s Book Week (Red Fish, Blue Fish, etc, etc). Did you know that May 14 is National Chocolate Chip Day, sharing with Dance Like a Chicken Day? (On that day, though, chickens get the day off from “cutting a rug.”)
Folks, I’m not making this up.
May 15 is International Day of Families. May 16 brings us Love a Tree Day, National Sea Monkey Day and Biographers Day (personally, I love that cable channel). How about this? May 16 is also Wear Purple for Peace Day. The 17th brings us Pack Rat Day (my daughters celebrate this EVERYDAY) and International Day Against Homophobia (so, just be happy and gay, will ya?).
On May 18, it’s International Museum Day (think I can get some travel money from the publisher and visit Paris to see if they celebrate there? Just sayin’…). The 18th also shares No Dirty Dishes Day (which seems to be celebrated all year long by the Bucher daughters). And of course Armed Services Day, too (hug a vet!). More on the 18th: Visit Your Relatives Day (sorry, once is enough at Thanksgiving).
How about this for May 20? Be a Millionaire Day (please send your million in care of me here at the paper). Also on May 20, Pick Strawberries Day (are they ripe and ready around these here parts?). May 21 is National Memo Day (better write a note to remind me). More on the 21st, National Waiters and Waitresses Day (tip your servers well and safe drive home). May 22 brings in Buy a Musical Instrument Day.
Then, May 23, 24 and 25 are Lucky Penny Day, National Escargot Day (yech), International Jazz Day and Tap Dance Day. Wrapping up the end of the month. May 27, of course, is Memorial Day and Sunscreen Day. May 28 is Amnesty International Day. The 29th is Learn about Composting Day (or, It’s Better Than Manure Day). May 30 brings us Water a Flower Day (see the aforementioned April Showers reference). May 31 is National Macaroon Day and Save Your Hearing Day. What? I said, “SAVE YOUR HEARING DAY!” Ending the month, also on the 31st, is No World Tobacco Day (please refrain from smoking while reading the Dayton City Paper).
Now, I have my own additions for May…
It’s also, Save the Arcade at All Costs Month. To the TV news stations, It’s Not Breaking News When It’s a Day Old Day. No Stoplights Day (this could be an all year deal). Why Do You Think That Hairpiece Looks Good? Day (Jeff Stevens from MIX 107.7, are you listening?). Free Parking Meter Day, along with Meter Maids Be Nice Day (the latter may be impossible). Buy New Dayton Police Cruisers Day (really, have you seen some of these beaters?). Stop Adding All These Dumb Charges on My Cable Bill Day. Log on to Buchtvguy.com and Hire Me Day (blatant plug). Will People Stop Walking in the Middle of the Street and Use the Sidewalk? Day (this another all year event). Will Congress Work Together and Get Something, ANYTHING Done? Day (actually, this isn’t official yet because of a filibuster). Stop Talking Loud on Your Cell Phone, I Don’t Want to Hear You at All Day. And finally, my personal favorite, Give the Newest Dayton City Paper Columnist a Raise Day? (This could be quarterly, maybe?)
So, there you have it, some happenings in May. What lies ahead for June? Maybe, Please Read My Column So I Can Come Back to Work Day. Actually, weekly would be good.