Conspiracy Theorist: 5/24/16

Never trust socialist water

Mark Luedtke

Two incongruous stories appeared in the Dayton Daily News today, the day I’m writing. First was a story about the 20th annual Dayton Children’s Water Festival. I read the DDN headlines every day, and I love festivals, but I’d never heard of the Dayton Children’s Water Festival. I expected a story about canoeing on the Great Miami River or swimming in some great local water hole, but I was disappointed. Despite being surrounded by some of the world’s most wonderful water resources, our rulers’ motto might as well be “No swimming! No fun on the water!” like they’re our parents.

The DDN describes the so-called festival. “About 1,500 fourth-grade students from Dayton Public Schools and the Dayton region participated in the 20th Annual Dayton Children’s Water Festival today,” it reported. “The festival included interactive sessions on topics such as the importance of water, recycling and conservation, and the roles of groundwater, stormwater, wastewater and surface water.”

How sad. No wonder I never heard of this festival. Government co-opts the word festival and redefines it to mean brainwashing session, misleading children at a young age in preparation for misleading them their whole lives. At least these kids escaped prison-school lockdown for a day.

The second report tells the real story of government’s domination over drinking water, reporting an all-too-familiar boil advisory in Trotwood had been lifted. The DDN originally reported, “A water main break has prompted a boil advisory on North Sherry Drive in Trotwood. Residents in the 400 to 500 block of North Sherry should boil water used for consumption for a minimum of three minutes, according to the city.”

It seems like the DDN reports a boil advisory every week. A search for “boil advisory” on the DDN website returns 35 stories so far this year about boil advisories in Trotwood, Greene County, Pineview Mobile Home Park, Miamisburg, Park Layne, Sugarcreek, Voyager Village Mobile Home Park, New Lebanon, Montgomery County and Harrison Township. Some locations endure multiple advisories. The Pineview story stands out because rulers want to prosecute the park’s owner, but they never prosecute socialists who fail to deliver safe drinking water, which is all the time.

In the fake festival article, the DDN continued, “‘Every community needs access to clean, safe and reliable water resources. There is a clear link between strategic water resource management and the quality of life of our citizens,’ Tammi Clements, Deputy City Manager, said in a release.”

I wonder if Clements penned that with a straight face. Given government’s record of constantly failing to deliver clean, safe and reliable water to its victims, if rulers really believed what Clements wrote, socialist control of water would be abolished.

Given government’s abysmal record at delivering safe drinking water by stealing people’s money to fund it, the Dayton Children’s Water Festival should be seen in a different light. It’s like having mob arsonists who run a protection racket teaching children about fire safety. This fake festival is another method rulers use to brainwash kidnapped children into believing government works for their benefit instead of the benefit of rulers. This is why children grow up so gullible. It’s why Americans are so easily manipulated into socialist wars, green cronyism and other destructive socialist policies. It’s why a majority of millennials don’t trust capitalism.

The disaster in Flint, Michigan, is the starkest example of how socialists handle drinking water. Local Flint politicians conspired with state bureaucrats to supply water tainted with lead to Flint’s victims, and when the victims realized it, the conspirators pointed fingers of blame first at the private sector, then at each other.

But socialist water problems can be subtler. Local drinking water tastes bad because it’s unclean every day. Rulers test it at certain times and certain locations, but they allow some toxins, and they don’t test it in your house where it tastes bad. If they did, they would blame you for the problems and try to put you in prison.

The reason the water supply stinks is government never maintains anything. Hundred-year-old bridges and water mains are dangerous. That’s because politicians can’t buy votes with maintenance. They buy votes with handouts so politicians spend tax dollars on handouts instead of infrastructure maintenance.

Government’s mishandling of water supplies is a reminder that socialism corrupts, debases and degrades everything it touches. This is why private companies thoroughly filter tap water before bottling and selling it. It’s why you should filter your water or buy bottled water too.

The views and opinions expressed in Conspiracy Theorist are the views and/or opinions of the author and do not reflect the views and/or opinions of the Dayton City Paper or Dayton City Media and are published strictly for entertainment purposes.

Reach DCP freelance writer Mark Luedtke at

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Reach DCP freelance writer Mark Luedtke at

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