Happy Memorial Delay from TSA

Mark Luedtke

TSA recently exploded into the news again with extraordinary wait times at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport. Travelers were advised to show up three hours early to avoid missing flights. In typical socialist fashion, TSA blamed personnel shortages and budget cuts for the delay. Despite no delays in the region, the Dayton Daily News dutifully parroted TSA propaganda: “At the same time airlines are seeing a surge in passengers, the Transportation Security Agency has fewer workers due to federal budget cuts, which means flyers are waiting more than two hours at some airports to get through security checks.”

CBS New York reported TSA’s bosses originally claimed stupidity in the form of poor predictions for the delays. “‘We know the wait times are long, said TSA spokeswoman Lisa Farbstein,” it reported. “‘We actually have fewer TSA officers working now than we did a year ago, two years ago, three years ago. And that’s because as we launched TSA PreCheck, we expected more passengers to sign up for that. And so our budget request from Congress was less money for fewer officers.”

If you didn’t look any deeper, you might believe these delays are just typical socialist incompetence, which is what TSA wants you to believe. But there’s more to the story.

As the delay stories first hit the news—conveniently timed just before heavy Memorial Day travel and while an expansion to TSA PreCheck is stalled in the Senate—solution articles hit the press. They all promoted PreCheck. The Chicago Tribune presented a representative example. “The biggest help to ease lines is to have more fliers enroll in the PreCheck program,” it advocated. “PreCheck gives previously vetted passengers special screening. Shoes, belts and light jackets stay on. Laptops and liquids stay in bags. And these fliers go through standard metal detectors rather than the explosive-detecting full-body scanners most pass through.”

Thomas DiLorenzo believes TSA agents are slowing travel on purpose. “I’ve seen it a million times. A government bureaucracy doesn’t get the amount of loot for its budget as is on its wish list, so it plays the ‘Washington Monument Syndrome’ game. Don’t give the police or teachers’ unions a huge raise, and they stop all policing and the teachers strike. Don’t give the government’s air traffic controllers the 40 percent raise they ask for during a recession, and they go on strike and shut down all air traffic, as they did in the first months of the Reagan administration. Reduce the number of members of the PGA (Professional Gropers Association), a.k.a. TSA bureaucrats, and they create a traveling nightmare on purpose for hundreds of thousands of air travelers.”

TSA wants Americans to switch to PreCheck so rulers can collect fingerprints on millions of travelers. The TSA union wants more money and workers because that’s what unions always want. Never mind the TSA wastes money like crazy on technology like a $1.4 million app that picks left or right.

But a funny thing happened on the way to stealing more taxpayer money: TSA’s head of security got fired. That almost never happens any more. USA Today reports, “The Transportation Security Administration ousted its head of security this week because the agency is seeking a ‘different approach’, not because of any wrongdoing, TSA Administrator Peter Neffenger said Tuesday.”

On the contrary, The Washington Post reports there was plenty of wrongdoing: “The downfall of a top official in the Transportation Security Administration this week came amid allegations of under-the-radar ­bonuses and targeted retribution at the highest levels of the agency.”

TSA overreached. By employing Washington Monument Syndrome, it angered so many people it threatened politicians. The Chicago Tribune quoted Senator Mark Kirk: “Americans have lost faith in the ability and commitment of the federal government to act on their best behalf, and the failures of TSA is another example of this sad reality.”

TSA’s overreach threatened government’s pretense of legitimacy, so it had to be punished. In response, TSA immediately reduced wait times at O’Hare to under 10 minutes, proving previous outrageous delays were intentional.

TSA has never stopped a terrorist attack. Watchdog organizations routinely smuggle bomb materials and weapons past TSA agents onto planes. TSA’s record of security failure is laughable, but it’s brutally effective at stealing taxpayers’ money and oppressing, delaying and molesting travelers under the false pretense of providing security, proving its real purpose.

The views and opinions expressed in Conspiracy Theorist are the views and/or opinions of the author and do not reflect the views and/or opinions of the Dayton City Paper or Dayton City Media and are published strictly for entertainment purposes.

Reach DCP freelance writer Mark Luedtke at MarkLuedtke@DaytonCityPaper.com.

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Reach DCP freelance writer Mark Luedtke at MarkLuedtke@DaytonCityPaper.com.

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