“Don’t get all P.C. on my ass”

“Don’t get all P.C. on my ass”“Don’t get all P.C. on my ass”

Dave Attell brings the blue to Funny Bone

By Benjamin Smith
Photo: ComedianDave Attell visits the Dayton Funny Bone March 8-9

As Hippocrates, the famed physician of ancient Greece, once wrote: vita brevis, ars longa. Translation: “Life is short, my schlong is long.” I’m kidding, of course – about the translation, not about the length of the good doctor’s schlong – but I’m also testing your sense of humor. If you usually find even an atom of humor in off-color jokes, then prepare for a goddamn exploding galaxy of hilarity this March 8-9, when comedian Dave Attell (“The Daily Show,” “Insomniac with Dave Attell”) brings his epically amoral art to the Dayton Funny Bone.

First things first: should I take my mom to your upcoming show? Should I get her drunk beforehand? 

I would not take your mom to my show. It’s kind of blue. Step-moms are OK, though.     -Dave Attell

Let’s get real, Dave. What body part will be discussed the most? 

I work the whole body, like Bowflex. It’s a great work out. -DA

Apparently you’ve been spicing things up on television with some retro porn VHS tapes. What exactly is the deal with your Showtime series, “Dave’s Old Porn”?

“Dave’s Old Porn” is a tribute to the movies and stars of the golden age of adult films: the 1970s and the 1980s. Similar to the “Mystery Science Theatre 3000” format, I bring on comics and we watch some old hairy porn, bouncing from clip to clip while making jokes and enjoying the film. Then I bring out one of the stars of the film and they take us through some more clips of their amazing work in a play-by-play. -DA

What’s your favorite vintage porn? And would you compare it, say, to a merlot or to a cabernet?

That is a great analogy. Porn is like a fine wine. It does get better with age – and you stash it in a cellar if possible. It’s hard to have a favorite, though. There are too many flavors in the porn rainbow. -DA

I once watched a porn film in college that was narrated by a teleporting midget. Another porn I watched in college featured a most singular soundtrack: Christmas songs, like “We Three Kings,” played on a harmonica. (It wasn’t even a Christmas-themed film.) What’s the oddest thing you’ve seen or heard in a porn film?

I love it! That is great. The music of porn is so weird/cheesy/great/sad, and so much more. I love classical music in porn. It sends such a mixed message. -DA

This interview is getting dirty, so it’s time to come clean: do you hate answering questions about your art?

You are too kind. I am not an artist; I am a club comic. And proud of it. I love working clubs like the Funny Bone. I get to mix up my act and work the crowd. I am not the best comic, but I do respect the craft. -DA

What’s the most bizarre thing an interviewer has ever asked you?

Well, I’m a Capricorn. And Capricorn is the first sign on the Zodiac. Actually, I have no idea where I am going with this…next question. -DA

Many Daytonians love to hate on Dayton. What are your feelings toward the Gem City?

The Gem City is cool. The Funny Bone is one of the first places I ever got to headline, so it’s always great to come back. I hope the crowds are into my stuff and don’t get all P.C. on my ass. -DA

Finally, I was wondering if you could evaluate the comedy gold of a certain “classic” joke. My friends in Dayton hate it, but I dig it. “What do you call a Frenchman who wears sandals? Phillipe Phillope.” So, what’s the verdict?

Bingo! I like it. Now we need to work the Pope into it and we got some real comedy gold. -DA

Dave Attell performs on Friday, March 8, and Saturday, March 9, at the Dayton Funny Bone, 88 Plum Street, Suite 200, The Greene. Regular tickets are $25; Dinner Package tickets are $55. Show times both nights are at 7:30 and 10 p.m. Doors open one hour before show time for the 7:30 pm shows. Doors open one hour before show time for the 10 p.m. shows. The March 8 late show is for audiences 18 and older, all other shows are for audiences 21 and older. For tickets, call 937.429.5233 or visit the Dayton Funny Bone online: funnybonecentral.com. For more information about Dave Attell, visit www.daveattell.com.

Reach DCP freelance writer Benjamin Smith at BenjaminSmith@DaytonCityPaper.com

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