Hmm. Who doesn’t belong?

H eadlines today, 3/1/11

CNN: The facts vs. Moammar Gadhafi

BBC: Refugee crisis on Libya’s west border

MSNBC: As clashes flare, Iranian security forces fire tear
gas at protesters

NPR: Libya Risks Slide Into ‘Protracted Civil War,’ U.S. Says

New York Times:Powerful Cleric Joins Protest to Urge Islamic Rule in Yemen

Washington Post: Rebels hold off Gaddafi loyalists in six-hour battle

LA Times: Yemeni president blames U.S., Israel for Arab unrest

And finally…

Fox News: GOP Moving to Keep Gov’t Running

Wow, it’s a Liberal  media conspiracy to divert our attention from the real issues.  Even the Washington Times is headlining Yemen.   However, in other hard-hitting action news, the New York Post is headlining a picture of Charlie Sheen sucking crack out of one of his two girlfriends’ teeth.  It’s important.  Have you ever realized that you know anything about Charlie Sheen and been pissed at yourself because that means there important details about the universe you don’t have space for?

Ben Tomkins
Ben Tomkins is a violinist, teacher, journalist and critically acclaimed composer currently living in Denver, Colorado. He hates stupidity and generally believes that the volume of one’s voice is inversely proportional to one’s knowledge of an issue. Reach Ben Tomkins at BenTomkins@DaytonCityPaper.com.

One Response to “Hmm. Who doesn’t belong?” Subscribe

  1. john gas March 4, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

    Hi, “..sucking crack out…” What! I can’t understand this “American Idolized” generation. It was easy for me, I don’t do coke anymore, I switched to Pepsi!

    The Popes recent 45 year old restatement has one of my grandfather’s rolling one way in his grave, the other the other….?”(anyway) Although my family suggests it is I who causes the rolling…Which brings up an interesting question. Has anyone ever exhumed a grave and said,”..wow someone in this poor guys family is causing trouble…”?

    Had the Pope not just had the words published in his book, I could have thought, “Ha, ChristChurch scared him!”

    Of course all good Christians know it was the change in Titus 1:10 45 years ago which got the Jewish people off the hook, but the Vatican at the time didn’t inform the Protest-ants to change the wording in the Protestors Bible to jive with the Universal Bible. Originally the Latin-Vulgate was used in both but when they changed it 45 years ago, you read at Vatican.va in Titus 1:10 “…Jewish Christians..” which is me and very few like me. While the uncorrected and direct Latin Vulgate translation in all Protester Bibles says, “..Those of the Circumcision..” which is also me and about 15 million or so more. Go figure! What a trail wreck.

    Speaking of high-speed trails though. I can understand why John Kasich and Rick Scott don’t want high speed trails running through the wilderness. It will disrupt the un-natural flow of things. If you can follow this it actually makes Glenn Beck sense. See, if they do have a no-flies zone between Libya and Venezuela, then those guys won’t be able to take swats at this great land, and to keep it great, we need to have low speed trails, not high speed ones. Why the hell would I want to zoom down a trail like a bullet? I recall that happened when me and Effie first met, and it wasn’t because her Dad didn’t like half-Jews, he didn’t like boys sniffing round the farm, is why! Course, being an Appalachian Jew, I had to chase her behind the chicken coop and not the pig-pen.

    “Effie, old girl, get up them stairs and makes me a cheeseburger with bacon!” Effie, “@#%@#4″ “What?…. no honey…bacon isn’t pork…is it? Everyone knows Jewish men bring home the bacon”! “Hey!… honey is that an earthquake or just…holy rolling sounds…”

Leave a Reply

News of the weird: 03/24

By Chuck Shepherd Anatomy Class in Court “This will be upsetting,” cautioned Justice Robert Graesser, addressing jurors in February in […]

Chew on this: 03/24

Cooking techniques and skills for healthier lives By Jayne Powers Nutrition is more than being able to pick out healthful […]

Naturally inclined

Slimy, furry outdoor family fun at Brukner Nature Center By Andy Hertel Photo: Hands-on wildlie encounters are part of Brukner Nature […]

The Docket: 03/24

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim By Researched and reported by Charles Grove Oh, the humanity Officers responded to a call […]

Advice Goddess: 3/24

By Amy Alkon The sociopath of least resistance My girlfriend has been hurt, cheated on and even ripped off in […]

News of the weird: 03/17

By Chuck Shepherd LEAD STORY – Fine points of the law Shooting “upskirt” photos of a 13-year-old girl is not […]