Card trick

A man went over to his friend’s house to play cards with his friend and his friend’s girlfriend. The man went into another room and left his wallet on the counter near his friend. When the man returned, he couldn’t find his wallet and asked for his friend’s help to locate it. The friend instead asked the man to leave, claiming the wallet wasn’t there. Suspicious, the man called police. The police tried calling the friend’s phone and a woman picked up. Officers asked if the speaker was the friend’s girlfriend, but the woman hung up and didn’t pick up again. The silence seemed like an admission of guilt, so officers went in person to locate the missing wallet.

Attack of the dreaded Shirt-Face

A woman was walking down a street, enjoying her day, when she saw a man approaching. Upon further inspection, she noticed he was wearing a shirt wrapped around his face. Intrigued by how he was able to see, she stared at him as he got closer. That’s when Shirt-Face stood in a power stance and demanded her phone and purse or he would “melt her.” The woman froze, afraid Shirt-Face had superpowers that could harm her. Then, the victim remembered she wasn’t in a superhero movie, so she didn’t give into his demands. Shirt-Face realized that she saw through his guise, so he snatched her purse and dashed away, hoping he wouldn’t run into anything. Since Shirt-Face didn’t steal her phone, she was able to call police and have officers locate a man with a shirt for a mask.

Beer buzz interrupted

A man entered a store and perused the shelves. When no one was looking, he snagged some beer bottles and snuck into the store’s bathroom. He decided to consume the stolen goods on the very property where they were stolen. An employee went into the restroom to clean it when he saw the man drinking. The man tossed the beers into the hands of the employee so he could flee. Later, the man wanted to keep his buzz going. Instead of going to a new store, he waited until the employees of the same store were busy; once they were busy, he rushed inside and snagged a bottle of wine. This time, he thought it would be a good idea to actually flee the scene. But the employees were ready, and they caught him red-handed.

The pain of windowpanes

A man damaged a window. He called a professional service to replace the window, and they gave him a particular time they expected it to be finished. He went about his day at work, and when he returned, he noticed the window wasn’t finished being installed. And he was angry. After all, it was his right to have it replaced after paying. The man called the window company to complain. They assured him it would be done soon, but they had some unforeseen delays. They also mentioned that if he was truly disgruntled, he had the option to return the window and get his money back. The man took them up on the offer and went to their office. Once there, he threatened to hurt all of them. The employees thought the situation was a little extreme for a window, so they hit the intercom to call in several more employees, forcing the man to leave the area.

Deadbeat dad

A woman was having a text fight with her ex. She let the ex know she believed he was an ineffectual father. She thought it was accurate because he wasn’t present in their child’s life, but he didn’t agree. Angry, he went to the woman’s house to show her how she was wrong. He arrived on scene drunk and argumentative and proceeded to yell. At her house. The incapable father then decided to destroy the woman’s mailbox by throwing it against her car, which, luckily, caused no damage to the vehicle. The incapable father then went onto the porch, kicked the woman’s storm door, and spat on it before stumbling away from the premises. It was clear the incapable father showed off his parenting abilities after all.

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Reach DCP freelance writer Ehron Ostendorf at EhronOstendorf@DaytonCityPaper.com.

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