A crime of fashion
A common fabric known as pleather is commonly used in fast fashion goods. This is solely because it attempts to give the effect of a high-quality leather product but it is a fabric made from plastic so it is extremely cheap to make. So, when reading a report that a pleather purse was stolen, I thought…a victory for the fashion police… but unfortunately a woman is now short some of her personal belongings. A few weeks ago, a woman got into her car which was still “in park” when an unknown male reached into the passenger’s seat window that was partially rolled down, and grabbed her purse from atop the seat. She had no idea which direction he ran but we do know now that she is short $100, some debit and credit cards, along with personal paperwork. There is no further information at this time… but hopefully this time around, a better purse purchase will be made.

A big miSTEAK

A local grocery store quickly contacted local authorities on a theft complaint last week. The cops made contact with the store manager upon arrival at the scene. He told the police how he was walking down the meat aisle when he heard two voices suspiciously discussing the meat they were looking at. So, he went back to his office to monitor the video cameras. Once he arrived in his office he saw the two individuals running out of the store! The manager gave the police the video surveillance and they were able to catch a man known to other employees as “Billie.” The footage caught him in the smokey act of sneaking three T-bone steaks down his pants before running in hot pursuit (of maybe some barbecue sauce) out of the grocery store.

Disjointed

A local man notified the police when he realized some of his property had been taken while he was…not of sound mind and body. A few days ago, this man had his nephew staying at his residence for a few nights (which happens often) and according to the police report, the man invited his neighbor over to “smoke a joint.” The man believes it was his neighbor who stole his property. What did he steal one might ask…well…it was the man’s Taurus Judge pistol that he kept safely secure in between two couch cushions in his living room. The police then began to question the nephew staying at the residence (who was heavily intoxicated according to the report) when the cops realized there were three warrants for his arrest. In a scandalous plot twist, the nephew was carted away to the clink. And shockingly, the suspicious neighbor is still at large.

Masked villain

Just short of a month ago, a man reported a robbery inside a local convenience store in our beautiful city. One of the store clerks noticed an extremely heavyset male wearing black shorts and a blue hooded sweatshirt quickly fleeing the store headed south through the alley. This man was soon followed by his cohort who left behind his wallet in the store. However, the clerk noticed that the heavyset man was comically holding a tube of Crest toothpaste! The clerk lost him and his cohort in pursuit down the alley alongside the store and contacted the authorities. The clerk began to search the store for other missing items. He noticed the wallet of one of the perps was left on the ground near a Halloween mask, five children’s clothes hangers, and rather peculiarly, a bar of soap. The clerks were able to match the I.D. photo left in the wallet as one of the perps.

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Reach Dayton City Paper freelance writer Michelle Strauss at MichelleStrauss@DaytonCityPaper.com

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