Little red riding hoods

This is no fairytale story but it sure has an interesting ending. Just short of a month ago, a local franchise restaurant contacted the police when they noticed a suspicious truck driving up and down the street in front of the restaurant. The giant red pickup truck finally parked in front of the restaurant and two men exited the vehicle. These two men were cloaked in similar red hooded sweatshirts and preceded to take a concrete block out of the truck and throw it at the restaurant! This broke one of the main windows of the restaurant and when the employee yelped it caused the perps to flee! These certainly did not bring muffin for their grandmother, but rather a scare for a local restaurant employee.

One arm bandit

Last week a man contacted the police when he realized something was not right about his vehicle. He was about to leave for work in the morning when he noticed, an extremely large scratch on the hood of his car and shockingly…one of the windshield wipers had been removed from the car. Have you ever just wondered why people do the things they do? Did the windshield wiper do something to him? Did it hurt this man’s feelings? Well the police stated in their report that the wiper was ripped right off like a limp noodle from the car.

French laundry

A few days ago, a local man contacted the police on report of a theft. He told the cops over the phone how his “green military issued waterproof laundry bag” was taken out of his truck. Also taken from his vehicle was a broadband express meter, but to me the real loss was the laundry bag. Where are this man’s boxer briefs and ‘tighty whities’ now? Are they alone in this cruel universe?

Wheelin’ around

A grandmother of a young girl called the cops when she realized her precious granddaughters bike had been stolen. The bike was left in their front yard after an afternoon of fun. The grandmother described the bike to be child’s size equipped with padding between the handlebars, pink and black tires, with pink and green brakes. The bike additionally still had wheels on it. While reading this report one can only happen to picture a large middle-aged man (the perp in this case) riding around on this little girl’s bike trying to do BMX tricks with the raining wheels still on.

Ring ring hello?

No one is picking up the phone because last week a woman and her daughter had their phones stolen out of her car. The woman contacted the police when she realized her car had been broken into when the (previously broken) rear panel window of her ‘tahoe’ that was covered with plastic bags had been ripped open. The woman’s daughter was the first one to notice the plastic was torn so they searched their vehicle to find that their prized possessions, they called their “Obama phones”, had been taken. Miscellaneous jewelry had also been removed from the vehicle valued at $100. There is no suspect information at this time.

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Reach Dayton City Paper freelance writer Michelle Strauss at

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