By Michelle Strauss

Wii the people

A woman decided to go outside to take her evening smoke. Inside her residence, however, her daughter and live-in boyfriend plotted their scheme to—wait for it—steal the Wii video game console. Charges have been pressed, but maybe they can resolve the issue over a friendly game of Wii tennis.

Sweet treat

At a local gas station an elderly man was caught stealing a seemingly harmless item, a Little Debbie snack. The man had entered the establishment on this gloomy evening to retrieve a midnight snack from the checkout counter. He proceeded in his plan to steal the treat, not knowing that a loss prevention system had been set in place at this particular gas station. The man took a singled Little Debbie snack and placed it in his pocket. Moments later, he was caught. Maybe the old man wasn’t so sweet after all.

Asleep with the presidents

While on a family outing to the bank and then to the library one afternoon, a man fell asleep in the backseat of a car. Earlier in the day, the man withdrew $500 from the bank to pay back a family member. He placed the withdrawn money in the front pocket of his pants. Later, his family members went inside the library while the man remained in the car and fell asleep. While the man dreamed about his now empty bank account, a pickpocket reached in through the open car window and stole almost all of the money from his front pocket. Several minutes later, the family returned to find the man still asleep with a few dollar bills spread across his lap. The relative to whom he owed money was, understandably, upset. One could say catching the pickpocket was now a matter of life or debt.

Cat on wheels

A family went for a bike ride to a nearby baseball field one evening. After the game, the family walked back to the bike rack and noticed the youngest girl’s bike (adorned with a cat shaped headlight) had been stolen. The chain that locked her bike to the bike rack had been completely cut in half. This cat-astrophe put a damper on this family’s weekend plans. There are no suspects for the bike robbery at this time, but the police are on the lookout for this feline bike.

Who would report this?

A grandmother called the police in shock and dismay, stating that her grandson’s ex-girlfriend entered his residence around midnight. She thought it seemed sketchy so she immediately contacted the authorities. When the boys in blue got to the supposed crime scene, there was no evidence of forced entry and no property had been stolen from his home.

Hearing aid

The home of a woman with severe hearing loss and her teenage son was ransacked. The boy came home from school early in the afternoon to find most of the inside of their house completely destroyed and several of their belongings stolen, including a gun with ammo, jewelry, and various electronics. His window had been broken into but his mother’s room was the most severely damaged. Many of the woman’s belongings were stolen, but the most peculiar of these items was a stethoscope, which she says she uses to help her hear. Police believe the robbery was triggered by photos the son posted on Facebook of himself with his mother’s gun. Be careful what you put on social media, kids; it will come back to haunt you.

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Michelle Strauss
Reach Dayton City Paper freelance writer Michelle Strauss at

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