Trash day

Within a local duplex, it is believed someone executed an elaborate plan to locate and steal a very old Hewlitt-Packard laptop and the $40 in cash on the kitchen counter. The owner states that the stolen laptop had very little, if any, information on it and is of little monetary value. He told the police that his son’s very expensive work laptop in the room next to where the old laptop was taken was seemingly untouched by the robber. The police observed that on the outside of the house, the motion sensor lights had been unscrewed and removed, various screens had been removed, and the locks had burn marks surrounding them on the doors. Within the house itself there were other various locks that had been broken and burned, as well. And to top it off, the robber seemed to have used the small family’s trashcan as the ladder to gain entry to the second floor of the home.


At a local bar, a woman called the local police and asked them to meet her at her home just a few blocks from the bar, the scene of the crime. The woman told them her tale of woe. She was at the bar talking with friends when they continued their conversation outside of the bar, and she placed her phone and wallet in a planter next to where she was standing. After a while, she noticed her phone and wallet were missing—someone had taken her belongings from inside the planter! The woman did not see who could have taken her belongings, but her phone was an iPhone 6s, so she was able to use the “find my iPhone” feature to locate her phone at a hotel a few miles from the scene. The police are continuing this investigation, but please remember to hold onto your belongings or else they might just sprout legs and walk away.

They were
kung fu fighting!

OK, so this isn’t technically a story about martial arts—nor is it about the legendary song by Carl Douglas. However, at a local martial arts studio a woman was taking her weekly mixed martial arts class. Before the class began, she placed her phone inside her left sneaker before putting it on the shoe shelf in close proximity to where the class takes place. When the class ended, she found her shoe but not her phone. The instructor told the police that there was a new student in the class for the first time that day but no one witnessed him take the phone. The new visitor filled out the sign-in sheet, so the police have contacted this individual. In the meantime, the phone (a white Samsung Galaxy Note 3) has been deactivated. If you know who may have stolen this shoe phone, be wary, as the thief may have some kung fu moves up his sleeve, and contact the police.

Who runs the world?

At a local home, a woman woke up to the harsh reality that someone had vandalized her car. She ran to her vehicle to evaluate the damage and saw that the windshield of her car had been smashed in. She called the police who arrived on scene and determined that the windshield had been hit by a blunt object. One can hope that Beyoncé magically appeared to re-enact her legendary music video for “Hold Up” from her album Lemonade. But unfortunately, it was probably a local vandal.

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Michelle Strauss
Reach Dayton City Paper freelance writer Michelle Strauss at

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