Jesus take the wheel

A local couple recently decided to visit their church on a particularly warm and muggy Sunday morning for service. When the couple arrived at the church, they proceeded to enter the building just like every other Sunday morning when the woman realized that she forgot to lock the doors of her car. The woman proceeded to rush outside when she remembered the keys to the car had been left out in plain sight… on the passenger seat! The woman bolted to where her car was parked in front of the church when she noticed that her car was missing! She immediately contacted the police! But in the mean time, this couple is hoping that it’s Jesus who took the wheel.

Bait and tackle

Within a small local neighborhood, a car was broken into. The owner of the vehicle called the police when he realized all of his fishing gear was stolen from his truck! There were no signs of forced entry, no broken windows or pried open door. However, it should be noted that only the fishing gear was taken from the vehicle. Inside the man’s tackle box were other tools like his favorite screwdriver as well!

Ready for a nap

In a local library, a man wearing blue baggy jeans and a rather grotesquely stained shirt was woken up by police officers on call one evening. When the sun began to rise, this man was carted off to the clink! This middle-aged man was asleep atop of a computer in the new computer lab in the center of the library on the second floor of the building. This is not the man’s first time getting caught trespassing to sleep. Is taking a nap a crime? Only if it’s past the hours of operation! Although the case may be closed, we know for certain that this man must have had an incredible night’s sleep.

Midnight snack

In a local gas station a man walked in with some rather loud stomach ‘rumbles’ as he eyeballed the various snacks and drinks the establishment provided. The man in his mid-twenties wearing black track pants and a black hoodie with orange letters made haste and grabbed two cans of the Red Bull energy drink and a few candy bars. He stuffed these items into his pocket and ran with all his might out of the store. The cashier reviewed the footage and called the police.

On a mission

A local woman on a seemingly normal afternoon had her world turned upside down when her sister dropped off her daughter on her doorstep. A couple of weeks later, the woman’s niece hatched a plan to make an escape. Supposedly the niece stole $500 from the woman’s bedroom when she found out her aunt was filing for custody of her. When the woman confronted her niece, she acted like nothing was wrong and proceeded to run out of the house! As she did this, she grabbed her aunt’s iPhone 6s and an additional $100. The woman stated to the police that the girl began running towards the new library downtown (she has run away towards that area before) wearing a blue dress, flip-flops, and a black jacket. Unfortunately, the woman has no contact information for the girl’s mother. This rebel with a cause has flown the coup!

Tags: , ,

Reach Dayton City Paper freelance writer Michelle Strauss at

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Got an Opinion?


We are interested to hear what you think.  Please send us a message. [contact-form 4 “Opinion”]  

Yes, Flying Saucers Do Exist!

Allison Maddux (Scandal #5) layout bid against Kathryn Lawson (Riot #38). 2013 USA Ultimate Club National Championships Women's Semifinals

Please don’t call it Frisbee. Colorful flying plastic discs fill the air around this time of year, tossed from hand […]

Debate 7/10: You’ve got mail…for now!


Who in their wildest dreams thought Donald Trump could be a consensus builder? Certainly not me. Donald has done something […]

Bubbles to beat the brunch backlash


I casually peruse food articles, as you might guess. One emerging set of hot takes seems to revolve around brunch. […]

Jump, jive, and wail!


Since 1982, Muse Machine has been a staple of many lives in the Miami Valley. Over 76,000 lives, each year, […]

A Monument to Insurrection


Dayton Society of Artists’ special summer exhibit Alan Pocaro, The Distance Between Us When We Communicate (Detail) By Tim Smith […]