Cash me outside

Near a local bank on a rather crowded street late last week, a woman was walking to cash her paycheck at the bank’s ATM. Just when the woman thought she was going to be able to receive her cashed paycheck in peace a woman confronted her on the street. The police report indicates that these two women had been in altercations before over a mutual ex-boyfriend…so their history is rather extensive. The police were quickly notified as the two began to fight on the street when one of the women yelled at the other, “What’s up b****!” Deputies quickly arrived on scene as one of the women slapped the other in the face…a good authentic Dayton b**** slap. 

Just can’t “Letgo”

Local police officer received a call a few weeks ago regarding a theft. The victim is a middle-aged man who attempted to sell his PlayStation 4 on a new buying and selling app called, “LETGO” The victim described the incident in riveting detail. He explained to the officer that through the app he planned to meet up with a buyer behind a local restaurant in their parking lot. However, when the meet up occurred, it went south. The buyer showed up to the scene – a man with short black hair, presumably in his mid-twenties, and rather athletic. The buyer told the victim that his roommate was coming down the street to help him carry the console back to his residence. As the victim turned his head to look for the roommate the buyer hit him in the face and grabbed the console. He zig-zagged left and right down the street away from the victim who began to chase him down the street yelling at the “buyer.” Remember to keep your friends close but your consoles closer, kids. 

Fenced in

At a local apartment complex, a woman ran out of her house in a frenzy and frantically called the police when the worst crime you could imagine happened…a woman drove onto her yard and damaged her grass! The woman stated that she “has damaged her grass with her vehicle.” The victim’s neighbor repeatedly drives and parks on the grass because she recently broke her foot and doesn’t want to walk far to her front door. The victim has tried again and again to prevent her neighbor from driving on her yard by putting up small fences and barriers. But to no avail! The victim’s neighbor continued to drive on her yard, destroying the small fence in the process. There is nothing further to report on this case… but we know the victim is probably thinking about how her grass has been soiled. 

Rocky raccoon

Within the walls of a local convenience store, security cameras caught a rather interesting crime on tape. One of the cashiers arrived to work and quickly called the police when he realized that the front window of the store had been smashed. The cashier and a cop reviewed the footage to find that a young man wearing a baggy hoodie arrived at the scene, threw a large rock at the window, stood there for a while, and then slowly walked away! No items were taken from the convenience store. Only a rock was thrown into the window. Now we know Rocky left no stone unturned when he left the scene in between a rock and a hard place. 

Ready for a good time

Cops received a call about a break-in at a local woman’s home. The woman believes that someone broke into her home late in the night. A few items were stolen from her house that arouse suspicions. Conspicuously I’m not sure that conspicuously is what she means to say, the woman feels that she knows the perp. She believes it was her ex-boyfriend who “came through the basement door on the west side of the house.” The woman told the police she thinks it’s him because he said he was going to break in and steal her things. The woman recently moved into her current place of residence so most of her items are still in boxes. However, the perp was able to take various items of seduction: Victoria secret perfume, a bag of clothes, and a high-quality pillowcase. This perp is ready for a very interesting weekend now! 

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Reach Dayton City Paper freelance writer Michelle Strauss at MichelleStrauss@DaytonCityPaper.com

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