Hole in the wall

Last week, a local woman contacted the authorities when she arrived home from work to discover something not quite right in her home. When the officers on call arrived at the scene the woman showed the officers what had happened. On the backside of her garage, a giant hole has been blown through the side. Now, at first glance one might comically joke about how it was actually the Kool-Aid man and not a car that created this monstrous hole in the side of her garage. Unfortunately, it has been determined that the hole was caused by a vehicle and not everyone’s favorite demolitions expert.

Round robin

An officer responded to a call a few weeks ago in reference to a burglary that supposedly happened 30 minutes prior. When the cop arrived at the scene he spoke to the victim who described what had happened. The victim was heavily intoxicated on his front porch when the officer arrived and spoke of the night’s adventures. The man told the cop how a man named “Jeff” was walking down the street and joined him for a few drinks. Next thing they knew they were walking down the street to another friend’s house to continue drinking. The victim realized after being at the friend’s house for a few hours his new friend “Jeff” had disappeared. The victim quickly returned to his house to look for “Jeff” and realized he was in his backyard laying in the yard. The man went inside his house and saw his freezer was left wide open with half of the food gone. Very little suspect information was provided to the officer but there’s one thing for sure… “Jeff” sure had a fun night at this victim’s house.

An inside job

Recently, a man contacted the authorities on a theft complaint. Upon arrival, the officers on call made contact with the victim who began to tell the officers how he is displeased with how little officers patrol his neighborhood. The man was very upset and paranoid as he began to detail how he believes whoever broke into his home was an inside job! The victim told the officers how he fixes restaurants for a living and one of his clients owed him $3000. When the client finally paid him…disaster struck! The day after he finally received his payment…he came home to find the envelope the money was held in was ripped open and ripped money bands were scattered on the floor. The victim was shocked that they only took the money and not his flat screen TV or his iPad, could his skepticism be factual? The police are on the case in search of this money-grabber who is still at large.

Attack on…video games?

A local man called the police in distress when he realized he had been robbed in his sleep! The man told the police how he and his girlfriend sleep in the basement of their home and various items were taken from their bedside table as they slept. The man believes it to be his old roommate aka “Dakota Rose” an unsuspecting drug addict with a temper who told the man she was from South Dakota. The man continued to describe to the authorities how various items were stolen to include: the man’s prized Sony PlayStation 4, his white wireless PS4 controller from the dresser near the bed, and most importantly…his wallet which is memorabilia from the riveting anime movie Attack on Titan which also contained various credit cards and $160. The authorities were unable to uncover any information about this supposed “Dakota Rose” but the victim was able to pull up her Facebook that says she’s from an unknown location in California. This titan’s whereabouts are still unknown at this time.

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Reach Dayton City Paper freelance writer Michelle Strauss at MichelleStrauss@DaytonCityPaper.com

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