News Of The Weird

B y Chuck Shepherd

Government in Action_______

Though volunteers got the project started in May, Ventnor City, NJ, continued through the summer to seek financial donations to finish the new restrooms that provide relief for those visiting the town’s Atlantic shore. Said Commissioner Stephen Weintrob, “How would someone like to have a toilet named after themselves, or a urinal or sink?”

A Treasury Department inspector general reported in June that, out of 2.6 million applicants for federal mortgage relief, 14,000 “home buyers” wrongly received tax credits and that in fact, 1,300 of them were living in prison at the time of filing, including 241 serving life sentences. Sixty-seven of the 14,000 received tax credits for the same house, and 87 more potentially fraudulent tax-credit applications were filed by Internal Revenue Service employees.

Things That Shouldn’t Get Backlogged: (1) California requires that if a sex offender’s GPS tagging device signals that he’s in a prohibited area, parole agents must immediately respond, but that law was easier to pass than to implement. As of June, according to a San Diego Union-Tribune investigation, the state had fallen about 31,000 responses behind. (2) A July Illinois law requires that all hospital “rape kits” on victims be tested for blood and DNA (in that finding a rapist, and certainly convicting him, without such evidence is often hopelessly difficult). Until now, 80 percent of the rape kits taken in the state had sat, untested. (As TV police dramas emphasize, many rape victims are reluctant to submit to the indignity of swabbing and photographing so soon after being violated and comply only because detectives assure them of the rape kit’s importance.)

Great Art!____________________

Time magazine reported in August that among the entrants in this year’s “Detroit Hair Wars” (showcasing 34 stylists working with 300 models) were The Hummer (stylist: “Little Willie”), in which a mass of extensions is shaped to resemble the vehicle, including four large tires – with “metal” wheels and front grid added – sitting upon the styled hair of model Sharv Bailey; and Beautiful Butterfly (stylist: Niecy Hayes), featuring extensions thinned, teased and stretched into four artistic “wings” arising from the styled hair of model Taja Hiu. Both stylings appear to be at least 2 feet long, dwarfing the models’ heads, and take at least 10 hours to prepare.

Police Report________________

In July, Manuel “Lefty” Hernandez, 28, was charged in Springfield, MA, with snatching a man’s wallet (which he probably did with his left hand, which is his only hand).  If he had had a weapon, police could have charged him with a felony, but it was only a misdemeanor because Hernandez was unarmed.

A frightening August headline in The Union (Grass Valley, CA): “S.W.A.T. Team Requested for Violent Midgets.” In fact, they were steroid-using, bodybuilder midgets, headed by an apparently particularly dangerous “lead female.”

Least Competent Police______

In March, four NYPD officers, acting on department intelligence, went to the home of Walter and Rose Martin in Brooklyn, NY, looking for a suspect, and broke a window as they worked their way inside. The Martins, retired and in their 80s, were clean, and a police spokesman later admitted that officers had wrongly visited or raided the Martins’ home more than 50 times since 2002 because of a stubborn computer glitch. When the software was originally installed, an operator tested it by mindlessly typing in a random address, but that happened to be the Martins’ house, and thus the visits and raids began. The Martins say they have been assured several times that the problem had been corrected, but evidently their address has wormed its way too deep into the system.

Least Competent Criminals___

Recurring Themes: Eugene Palmer, 40, wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, was arrested in Brunswick, GA., in March as he tried to rush into a SunTrust bank during business hours but became frustrated by the locked doors — in that it was a drive-thru-only branch. (2) Danny Spencer, 31, and a partner were arrested in Bridgeport, CT in December as they called attention to themselves by driving through the city dragging a half-ton safe they could not crack open at the Madison Auto store they had just burglarized. (3) Ethan Ayers, 18, and a partner were arrested in Cedar Rapids, IA, in March after an alleged mugging. Police found them easily, as their transportation that night was a relative’s van advertising in large lettering, “Big Earl’s Gold Mine,” a Des Moines
strip club.

Thank Goodness
for Researchers_____________

After surveying 374 waitresses, Professor Michael Lynn, who teaches marketing and tourism at Cornell University, concluded that customers left larger tips to those with certain physical characteristics such as being slender, being blond or having big breasts. Lynn told the Cornell Daily Sun in May that his study was important in helping potential waitresses gauge their “prospects in
the industry.”

Copyright 2010

Chuck shepherd

Distributed by

Universal U-Click


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