On The Beat 12/29/15

2016 Buch predictions

By Jim Bucher

Hello, I’m back. Yes, back with my predictions for 2016.

This all started two years ago when my editor asked for my predictions of what could and might happen in Dayton and the Miami Valley for the New Year.

Here’s a couple of my predictions from years past.

Dayton Mayor Nan Whaley resigns as mayor to run for congress. Her bid to move to Washington is unsuccessful. Then due to a legal snafu, former Mayor Gary Leitzel is sworn in again to finish Mayor Whaley’s term. Mayor Leitzel moves the mayor’s office to the Fifth Street Brew Pub.

The City of Dayton decides to cut back on its tight budget by devising an ingenious plan to deal with its leaf collection in the fall by cutting down all trees. Leaf problem solved. A group of saplings stage a “plant in” at City Hall in protest.

The City of Oakwood will rescind a law that states, in part, “It is illegal to mow your grass without wearing a shirt,” so ladies, have at it.

As you can see I’m still waiting for a few of these to come to fruition.

Now without further ado, here is my crystal ball look into 2016—and please read with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

A fund drive is announced for a permanent gem sculpture to be anchored at the corner of Second and Main in downtown Dayton. (This of course is to honor the fact Dayton is called the Gem City.) At a press conference, protests break out from the Rubi Girls. “There’s only room for one gem in this city, and it’s us,” they announce. A melee erupts and some are arrested. A pair of pink pumps used as a weapon is confiscated.

The Arcade is saved. In 2016 a plan is drawn up for Dayton’s historic Arcade. A museum will occupy much of the space highlighting businesses who have left the city. Plans call for a major expansion to accommodate those who either closed or moved. NCR has been contacted as a major donor if organizers can figure out where they moved to now.

And speaking of leaving, Dayton will offer a “Where Did They Go” tour. This fun and exciting shuttle ride will take you to the hole where the Wright Brother’s boyhood home and cycle shop stood. Also included will be the former locations of Dayton Press, General Motors Company, Inland Manufacturing, Delco (Dayton Engineering Laboratories Company), National Cash Register (NCR), the Mead Corporation and a host of others. The two-day tour ends at the NCR’s Old River pool where you can reenact diving off the 10 foot board into a kiddie pool. Life vests are available for an additional charge.

Memorial Hall will be revamped into a brewery. Patrons can purchase tickets to observe how beer is made on stage. The reviews come in and aren’t great. “It’s like watching paint dry,” says one paying participant, “but I got trashed with free samples.”

Dayton’s airport expands and announces a light rail system will stop at the terminal. Unfortunately, funding dries up and the completed portion runs from the parking garage to baggage claim.

A big movie announces Dayton will be used for a major portion. Working title is Armageddon II. “We love the decimated neighborhoods,” one producer says. “It saves us a fortune blowing things up with special effects.” Out-of-town slumlords sue for the right to use their property in the motion picture.

I-75 is finally completed through Dayton in 2016, just in time to announce the newer section used to handle both north and southbound traffic during construction will be re-constructed because of wear and tear. Says one driver who sums it up for many, “I’m buying stock in orange barrels.”

To enhance revenue, the City of Dayton will offer “Sewer Tours.” Yes, go underground and walk the gigantic “city beneath the city.” You’ll experience life-size rats, possums, raccoons and other netherworld varmints. The fun begins when it rains and you literally run for your life while thousands of gallons of water rush you and your party into the Great Miami River. Again, life vests optional.

After citizen requests to “be accurate,” Five Rivers MetroParks will be renamed. Since we have here the Great Miami River, Mad River, Stillwater River, Wolf Creek and Twin Creek, Five Rivers will be now called Three Rivers & Two Creeks MetroParks. You heard it here first.

That’s it for 2016. Now let’s see just how accurate I am. In the meantime I’ll be waiting for donkeys to fly.

Cheers and Happy New Year!


For over 25 years, Jim Bucher has been a regionally known and loved local television icon. “Buch’s” followers describe him as trustworthy, fun, the guy next door, a friend and role model. You can promote your business with Buch and grab your customer’s attention! Reach DCP freelance writer Jim Bucher at JimBucher@DaytonCityPaper.com

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Jim Bucher
For over 25 years, Jim Bucher has been a regionally known and loved local television icon. “Buch’s” followers describe him as trustworthy, fun, the guy next door, a friend and role model. You can promote your business with Buch and grab your customer’s attention! Reach DCP freelance writer Jim Bucher at JimBucher@DaytonCityPaper.com.

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