Sign Language: 01/23

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

How are your New Year’s resolutions going? If you’re succeeding beautifully, congratulations! Please ignore the rest of this horoscope. If, however, you’re off to a rocky start, continue reading. Let’s say you already fell off the wagon, or perhaps even under it. Never fear, because this week is actually the ideal time to put into effect any big changes for 2018. This week’s influences make all your best intentions far more likely to succeed than they were half a month ago. I didn’t mention it before, because why screw up your practice run? Now that you know what you did wrong the first time, you can try again – this time without the same mistakes.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Of all the signs, you Pisces are generally the luckiest in love. That’s not to say you feel lucky. You’re not even especially fortunate; love, after all, is hard, full of missteps, and rife with pain for even the most charmed would-be lovers. Even though you feel you’ve had it hard, you’re actually a lot better off than virtually everyone you know, when it comes to having someone around who loves you. If you look at things objectively, you’ll probably discover that many (perhaps even most) of your friends are much lonelier than you. Now that you’ve finally realized that, the only question is: what are you going to do about it?

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You don’t cope with rejection especially well, Aries. Although you’re getting better at rolling with it when someone gives you the boot (often before they’ve even had a chance to properly get to know you), it still takes longer to heal your psychic bruises than it should. This week, work on your spiritual healing factor. You need to become an emotional Wolverine, repairing damage to your psyche seconds after it occurs, because, as usual, you’re going to have to wade through a virtual war zone to get to the good stuff. If you arrive battered and still bleeding, you won’t be in a position to notice or appreciate the sweethearts who await – nor will they, particularly, appreciate you (unless pure pity counts as appreciation).

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

I don’t run my life by astrology—but I do pay attention to it, and when convenient, I work it into my activities. For instance, when starting new projects, I aim for the week immediately following a New Moon (the best time to begin things), and I avoid making major decisions or purchases when the Moon is void-of-course (between signs). However, I also recognize that even if something’s not begun at the ideal time, it can still succeed; it might simply require more effort. Your timing’s off. But don’t give up. You just need to put in that extra energy to make things run smoothly, until you’re back on track – which, incidentally, won’t be long now.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

The next time someone asks you if you want to hear the good news or bad news first, choose the good news and skip the bad news. You’re probably better off not knowing. Too much of the bad news you’ve been hearing lately is about stuff you can do absolutely nothing about. How depressing. You’re on the edge of information overload, and the only cure is a kind of diet: confine yourself to news that’s directly relevant to your life. Eschew the abstract, the distant, and anything you’re helpless to influence. You’ll not only breathe easier, but you’ll be happier, too. Ignorance isn’t bliss, I don’t think, but selective knowledge just might be.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You think having more options will make you happier? Boy, are you wrong. Actually, having only a few choices – and not being able to question them after you make them – would make you happier, despite what you think you want. Here’s two steps to happiness: 1. Limit your choices. Having none sucks, but three is better than thirty, or three hundred. 2. Don’t second guess them. Pretend they’re irrevocable. Just accept them, move on, and make the best of them. (This how people with bad tattoos still enjoy their lives.) Try my strategy for two weeks. I wager you’ll not only be happier but, ironically, also more free.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

I think you can believe in destiny and free will, and that the two are constantly battling each other for the lion’s share of your life. The wisest people know when to fight fate (which is definitely possible!), and when to let things play out as they will (something which can work out better, in surprising ways, than whatever you’d originally intended). It’s always tricky figuring out when to dig in your heels and hold your ground, and when to bend and sway like a willow in the wind. This week, however, there should be clear signs which is your best bet. Heed them, won’t you?

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Don’t deny your nature. Virgos do well with specific chunks of time that are specially allotted for specific activities, including relaxation. In fact, it suits you right down to the ground to work insanely one week in order to relax on the beach the next (although it must be said that your version of relaxation would exhaust any non-Virgo). Trying to mix things up is trying to impose someone else’s method or strategy upon your own. I don’t know why you’d even consider that, since you’re better at this than the rest of us. Trust yourself. Your way is best, even if other people don’t understand it.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Sometimes your quest for balance leads you to be two quite different things. For instance you might be extremely chaotic in one aspect of your life, so you become obsessively organized in another, to compensate. Sometimes, however, you can’t be on both sides of a scale, and you just have to pick the spot on the spectrum that feels most “right” to you. That spot, at least in this case, is nowhere near the middle. Don’t sell yourself short by settling for some average real estate when where you actually belong is on the cutting edge.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Every experienced Scorpio knows (or should) that when you’re braced for rejection, you’re more likely to experience it. There’s something about that defensive posture that just isn’t attractive, and is more likely to inspire mean-spirited, stingy emotional behavior in other people (who aren’t saints, after all). It’s difficult, perhaps nearly impossible, to go into a potentially threatening situation with open arms and heart, unencumbered by baggage and unshielded by armor – yet that is just what this week demands of you. I wouldn’t ask this of any other sign, but if anyone can handle that, Scorpio, it’s you. Prove me right.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You can’t actually find everything you need on craigslist. Not because it’s not there (let’s face it, it probably is), but because you don’t even know to look for it. You don’t actually know what you need, or what will make you happy. It’s almost certainly something (or someone) you haven’t dared to imagine yet, so doing an online search for it is quite impossible. You don’t however, have to sit back and just wait for something to happen. While waiting, embrace the unfamiliar. Don’t expect your world to instantly be rocked (because that will only happen when you’re not braced for it). Consistently venture into the unknown, until you’re totally, totally at ease there. Once you are, you’ll find what you weren’t looking for but desperately needed.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

This week I counsel Scorpios not to enter situations expecting them to suck and wearing all kinds of armor, because if they do, they’ll just get their asses kicked. Don’t laugh. The way you’ve entered rooms lately, with your fists raised and ready for a brawl, is just as bad. Aggression is equally as off-putting as defensiveness. I give you the same advice I give them: Relax. Enter scary situations with fists unclenched and accept whatever happens, even if it hurts like the dickens. Really living your life, right now, means embracing pain—and the joy, love, and beauty that comes with, before, after, and between.


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