Lou Reed and Metallica team up with “The View”
Hipsters and rednecks realize they have other things in common besides their hatred of this song
So, the collaboration everyone has been waiting for. No, wait. That was Insane Clown Posse and Jack White. No, wait. Lou Reed and Metallica? I don’t think anyone was expecting that. Imagining Lars licking his mouth while listening to the Velvet Underground is enough to make someone sick. For some reason, I can’t imagine anyone in Metallica doing anything cool. And it’s not that I consider Lou Reed cool — I really don’t. It’s just that people this age should in no way make anyone think, “this collaboration is one of the least interesting and possibly worst thing things I’ve ever heard.” Well, not at least since that ICP/Jack White song (and no, Dayton City Paper columnist who shall remain nameless, this didn’t make it “cool” for anyone to like ICP — only more uncool to like Mr. White). If you’ve seen the 2004 shit-storm documentary Some Kind of Monster detailing Metallica’s many problems creating their worst album St. Anger, then you have an idea of what kind of horrible things they are capable of creating. Inside the movie, they jam, and Lars simply can’t “jam.” He creates the worst drumbeats ever heard, struggling to keep even the simplest of beats. Which is what “The View” off of the new Lou Reed/Metallica collaboration album Lulu sounds like. The song is essentially Lou Reed’s spoken word over the worst type of novice “metal” band. Which should seem embarrassing for Metallica, but if you’ve had your head up their own asses as far as they do, “The View” might look good from there. I can’t wait to listen to the rest of this album and blow another set of chunks all over my keyboard. In fact, I look forward to it. Much in the way I look forward to getting in a bar fight and getting my nose broken.
Still don’t believe me? Listen for yourself. Lulu will be available at Omega Records at 318 E. Fifth St. in Dayton.