The Docket 01/12/16

Infant disguised as adult man

Another man walked into a store and committed another crime. The cashier who checked him out only rung up one item, but when the man was leaving the store, he was holding something other than the item he purchased: a 4 Loco. The cashier confirmed the man didn’t have the 4 Loco when he originally entered the store. When the cashier followed him out and asked him to return to the store with his 4 Loco, he said, “I’m not coming back in there” (or “I DON’T WANNA”).

Pretty in pink

A woman rolled up to the cashier with a yellow shopping cart. Inside the cart was her large pink purse. After purchasing a few items totaling to approximately $1, she began to leave the store—that is, until the employee spotted the corner of a doll box sticking out of the large pink purse. When the employee asked the woman to open her purse, she revealed five “Barbie-sized” dolls, a manicure set, two eyeliners, two boxes of nail stick-on sets, two make-up powders, two tubes of mascaras, two foundation kits and lotion. The woman told officers she forgot about the $140-worth of cosmetics and dolls she had put in her purse.


A man walked into a store and grabbed pickled bologna sausages, beef jerky and some snack cakes then shoved the meat and cake into his jacket and pockets. And pants. As a cover-up, the man purchased “a single popsicle” before leaving with his meat and cake.


A man legally parked his car in front of the curb by his house. It must have been cold that day because he left the key in his ignition and the car running with his doors unlocked to warm it up. When he returned to the running, unlocked car, he was met by something even colder than the bite outside: nothing. His car was gone.

Keep it secret, keep it soft

An officer arrived at the scene of the crime and asked the victim what happened. The victim told the reporting officer someone had stolen his watch from his home. He realized the watch had been stolen when he went to show the watch to his friend because he had purchased a nearly identical watch for his partner (cute). The man suspected a neighbor who had been cleaning his home while he was away because he had dropped the watch in front of her once while he was cleaning and showed it to her. Also because when he called the neighbor’s husband, he reported she had just stolen $400 from him, as well as other items that she probably pawned for more cash. Also because the suspect/neighbor and the man had a mutual friend who said the suspect/neighbor stole her wedding ring in the past. The watch was secured in a box behind a teddy bear in plain sight at the time of the crime.

What the hell is the beef

The beef thief, or one of the thieves, has struck again. This time, the thief walked to the store’s front counter, grabbed a box of Slim Jims and slipped the box underneath his coat, in a similar fashion to the other thefts. The box of beef sticks was valued at $25. However, the employees saw the white man in brown coat clearly enough to report these characteristics to the responding officers—and the manager stated the man visited the store several times and have the security footage to prove it. (Maybe investigators are closer to closing the case of the beef thefts than we thought.)


A woman called into the station to report damages to her car. She parked her car outside on a Friday and returned to it following Saturday morning. The suspect had smashed the passenger window at some point during the night. When officers examined the car, they noticed a white bag and another small, clear bag in the backseat. They thought the clear bag resembled a jewelry bag but discovered it only contained potpourri. Just like the suspect had probably been surprised to discover that night.

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Amanda Dee
Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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