The Docket: 06/30

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

Researched and reported by Amanda Dee


Man sorry for accidentally lurking nude

At 6:30 on a Monday morning, an “older white male completely naked except for a pair of socks” was lurking by a dumpster and “appeared to be confused.” Officers patrolled the area and noticed the nude man near the back of an apartment building. After they got out of their cruiser, they asked him to approach them. He looked at them, ignored them and tried to go into the building. Again, the officers asked him to approach. He stood up and looked at them again. They asked him what he was doing. (He smelled a lot like alcohol and said his wife had kicked him out and wouldn’t be too happy to see them—but especially, him.) He repeatedly apologized, responding, “I didn’t mean to be naked.”

Cousin suspected of sword theft

A 39-year-old man reported a stolen tablet and sword. The man’s girlfriend was letting her cousin stay at their apartment because her cousin had nowhere else to stay and was trying to get off drugs. The day the tablet and sword went missing, the girlfriend was in the hospital, leaving the boyfriend with the cousin for most of the day. He left, however, and returned to find his tablet no longer charging and his sword no longer hanging. Since the cousin was the only one in the apartment upon his arrival, he had a strong inkling she had stolen the items. According to the police report, the cousin denied doing anything wrong and said that “anyone could have come through the windows.” Then, she left (she did not come back). The sword was sheathed and decorated with a spider design on the handle.

Like taking candy…

An officer was dispatched to a convenience store on a theft-in-progress call, while a suspect was stealing “a large variety bag of candy.” When another customer saw a 12-14-year-old boy smuggling candy into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack, she notified the manager. The security footage confirms that the boy did in fact smuggle a lot of candy into his Ninja Turtle backpack. The suspect was a male with glasses, between 4-foot-2 and 4-foot-6 wearing red and white athletic shorts paired with a SpongeBob T-shirt. Suspect is still at large.

What’s the beef?

Police were called to the scene of a late Thursday afternoon theft. When an officer arrived, he spoke to the manager, who said he had been walking down the aisle “that contains the meat sticks” and acknowledged a customer. After the manager returned to his office, the suspect stole $3-worth (or one stick) of Slim Jim, which the manager witnessed on the security camera in his office. This is the third case this summer involving beef sticks or jerky in some form. If you have an explanation for these crimes, please explain.

What in the…

Two male officers were on patrol when they noticed a car with dark, tinted windows roll by. They pulled up behind the car and followed it for a few turns before stopping the driver, who failed to present a valid driver’s license. The female passenger also did not have a valid I.D. but told the officers her social security number. They placed both in the squad car and searched the vehicle, finding “a bag of loose U.S. currency in 1 dollar bills” in the back seat ($4,270 in $1 bills to be exact). They explained that they collect the dollar bills for their kids. Both said they don’t do drugs, which is what you should say when police are searching your vehicle and have not asked you about drugs. The male officers called a female officer to pat down the female passenger, and the officer felt a “hard rock substance in her private area.” The female passenger explained it was just a rock-hard pad (55 grams of crack and 5.10 grams of heroin were discovered in her vagina).

*Skates away*

The victim and her boyfriend went into a hardware store. When they returned to the victim’s car, the door had been tampered with and the car stereo, roller skates, two pairs of shoes, miscellaneous children’s clothing, a Michael Kors purse and a pair of Oakley sunglasses were missing. Suspect possibly in miscellaneous children’s clothing, Oakley sunglasses and two pairs of shoes is possibly still skating away with a Michael Kors purse and makeshift ghetto blaster.

Freedom of expression 

The following is a citizen-reported narrative: “Overnight 2 planters (1 large, 1 small) with flowers and an American Flag with stand were stolen off of our front porch. This is not a big deal other than it is a bit eerie thinking about someone on our porch at night. I wanted to alert authorities in case anyone else has run into a similar issue and to also try to prevent someone from having anything of value stolen. Thanks you.”

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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