The Docket: 07/28

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

By Researched and reported by Amanda Dee


What’s at steak?

“$85.85 worth of meet [sic],” apparently. An officer arrived to a grocery store on a theft call and asked where exactly the crime took place. The loss prevention employee disclosed that the dog food section was the scene of the crime—at least, that’s where the perpetrator shoved the meat under his shirt and inside his coat. The recovered meat is listed in the report as follows: a beef fillet, beef, another beef fillet, a ribeye steak, another ribeye steak, a steak, a fillet, a beef steak and another beef fillet. The perpetrator also attempted to take Axe shower gel and Dove body wash, possibly for use after meat consumption. Before finally meeting his match, the perpetrator had gotten away with heisting at least 50 other grocery stores.

Child’s play

Police were called when a family’s neighbor took the daughter’s softball. The daughter testified that the 10-year-old girl from next door “made a statement concerning the family cat,” according to the report, causing “words [to be] exchanged between the many children at the house, as well as mothers from both houses.” During the time between 8:16 p.m. and 8:24 p.m., the daughter’s softball rolled into the neighbor’s yard. When she asked the mother of the cat-name-calling girl for it back, she refused. Officers contacted the mother to corroborate the story, and she confirmed that she did, in fact, take the softball—and demanded the girls apologize—but threw it back into their yard. She informed the officers that she “knows” anything that rolls onto her property does not have to be returned to where it came from—by law. The neighbors are “the problem,” she added. She denied having the ball and said she told her 10-year-old daughter to roll it back. (The daughter could not confirm this.)

Custody issues 

A 29-year-old woman is missing her cockatoo, Kingsley. Kingsley is white with yellow plumage and orange spots on his back and head. He also costs about $4,500. According to the woman, Kingsley had been walking along their fence when a white male suddenly snatched him and took off running with him toward an intersection, where a car with three other passengers was waiting for him and the kidnapped bird. The woman told the reporting officer that she was in the middle of a civil dispute over Kingsley and was a day away from finally officially adopting Kingsley. She suspects the man who gave her the bird organized the kidnapping, since he’s attempted to use the bird as leverage to extort money from her before—and because when he strolled by a short time after the incident and she asked him if he did it, he walked away laughing.


An officer was dispatched to a convenience store when a man in a green hat drove off in a gold van with a stolen 24-pack of Bud Light. A day later, an officer was, again, called to a convenience store on the same charge. This time, though, the perpetrator was a male in khakis, white long sleeve shirt with a vest and Dallas Cowboys hat to top it all off. When he made his exit, he, unlike the first perp, dropped his hat and “could not pick it up because he had the beer in both hands,” according to the report.

Your move 

It all started with a dog bite. A woman was bitten by another woman’s dog, but she did not press charges—initially. She later decided to file a criminal report (maybe because the dog attacked three others). The owner of the dog, however, was the woman’s employee, AKA she had access to her files and logins and passwords, and had started acting “nasty,” the woman reported. AKA the woman, a writer, could not access most of her work. In the email the employee sent to the woman with the subject “Something has reared its ugly head,” she declared she “was a woman of her word” and fully intended to pay her for any medical bills from the dog bite wound but would not give her the files, etc. she needed until the charges were dropped. Though, she did apologize, saying, “this is my only bargaining chip.” She concluded her second email with the following statement: “I never would have believed that you and [redacted] would play these games with me but since you have, I know how to play them also.”

Missing: porch swing

A 65-year-old man was robbed of his only curved black porch swing. If you see someone carting a “heavy, ornate wooded porch swing” who shouldn’t be, please notify the authorities so this man can swing once again.

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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