The Docket: 09/01

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

by Amanda Dee 


A man hailed a police cruiser and said he had just been robbed—by someone he thought he knew. He was giving his friend a ride, when the friend asked him to stop and drop him off in a nearby alley. The man got out of the car with his friend, who asked to borrow $5. When the man pulled out his money from his wallet, his “friend” snagged the money—$96 to be exact—and split. The man said he was wearing sandals, so he couldn’t run after him. For 40 minutes before finding police, he attempted to call the alleged friend and his other friends asking for the money back to no avail.

The breakfast thug 

A store manager called in to report a theft. When the responding officer arrived, she told him a man appearing to be in his mid-to-late 50s wearing all back with a baseball cap and grocery bags came into the store that morning at about 9:30. He then proceeded to fill “two to four bags of undetermined bakery goods” and flee. (In his defense, it was breakfast time.)

Men are scum 

An officer responded to a theft call. The victim said her ex-husband had slept over a few nights the previous week. After he left, she couldn’t find her debit card, which had been in her purse. When the officer apprehended the ex-husband, he found the debit card. The woman realized he withdrew more than $200 from various ATMs around the area and, hopefully, that he is an ex for a reason.

Nose goes 

Police arrived at the scene of the crime four hours too late. An employee of a convenience store had called in a theft complaint. According to her, a man came in and stole four car air fresheners. She said they did not try to stop him from doing so, and he left with his plunder and drove away. She gave the officer what she believed to be the license plate number, but the plate was either stolen or the numbers she gave were incorrect. Either way, no one really has that much to go off of except that the perp will most likely have a distinct fresh scent.

You’re hot, then you’re cold

While a convenience store employee was in the back room retrieving supplies, she turned toward the door window, through which she saw a man tearing open a package of Icy Hot and then rubbing the cream all over his arm. She left the room and told the man to put the Icy Hot down, so no one would get hurt. He argued with her for a few minutes, but was not successful, so he left the store. The employee reported the man as goateed.

Thanks, Obama

A man was going door-to-door selling “Obama phones.” At one point on his route, three men approached him from behind. One of the approaching men, appearing to be about 18 or 19 years old aimed a handgun at his face and said, “Give me your backpack.” So he gave him his backpack. Obama phone pamphlets and yellow T-shirts were inside the backpack. He told officers he spoke to a rude lady a few houses down, so the suspects may have come from her house.

Love stinks

A woman told police things weren’t working out with her (ex-) boyfriend, who had been staying over at her home for a few weeks. So, she told her boyfriend to get all of his things out of the house and leave by the time she returned back home. And he followed one of those instructions. Upon her return, she found that he had gone and the couch and loveseat—which she was renting—had been sliced in the middle of each individual cushion. She tried to call him. He wouldn’t return her calls.

Missing: wobbly yard equipment

A victim called in to report a theft complaint. Apparently, someone had stolen his “red push lawn mower with wobbly wheels,” worth $1, according to the report, which was chained in the backyard to prevent such an instance from occurring. If you know someone who would go to such lengths to procure shoddy yard equipment, maybe someone with a passion for yardwork and deviance, please call in tips.

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

Tags: , , ,

Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Got an Opinion?


We are interested to hear what you think.  Please send us a message. [contact-form 4 “Opinion”]  

Springfield’s hidden gem


Referred to as an American Folk Art site, I didn’t know what I expected on my journey to Springfield’s Hartman […]

Debate 7/17: Flag on the Play


Q: Should persons with certain known behavioral tendencies such as suicide or violence be prohibited from owning guns? Legislatures across […]

Conspiracy Theorist 7/17: Hooray for Domino’s

Year after year, the same roads are torn up and road crews patch them. But they never really repair them. […]

On Your Marc 7/17: Good any day

First, a funny story. Larry Lee, the big tackle from Roth High School, for a number of reasons decided he […]

The Cult, Stone Temple Pilots, and Bush at Rose

CULT 2016 Tim Cadiente-2

“Rock and roll never forgets,” the classic rock song goes, and Billy Duffy, guitarist and founding member of the British […]