The Docket 1/19

The peddling pirate

Two officers were on patrol when they noticed a man riding an orange bicycle on the sidewalk. They pulled over by the biking man and asked him to stop and step off his vehicle. They informed him they stopped him because he was riding his bike on the sidewalk but ultimately patted him down because they said he would not take both hands out of his pockets and could potentially have a weapon. They didn’t find a weapon, but they did find a DVD case filled with what the officers suspected to be pirated films—including “Minions” and two copies of the TV movie “Dear Secret Santa.”  

A diva is a female version of a hustler

Police were dispatched to the scene of a theft. When they arrived, they spoke with the caller, who reported some “personal items” missing from her apartment. She also had recently reported her apartment key missing. She couldn’t provide the values of the stolen items, but the report only totaled it to $3. The “personal items” included heart-shaped diamond earrings and red house slippers. (No bathrobe or bonbons were reported missing.)

Suspicious beards

A 30-something-year-old man dressed in all black and a Cincinnati Reds cap walked into a room. That room was a convenience store. The man’s next move was to hunt down a Bud Ice and bag of chips, which he placed in front of the cashier. The suspect then told the cashier to hand over all her money. The cashier “started to scan the beer” before asking him what he said. The suspect repeated himself louder: “Give me all your money. All of it.” That’s the moment the cashier “realized she was being robbed.” He left with $64.39, since he apparently was very serious about the “all of it” part of his threat—as well as his Bud Ice and snack. According to the report, “The male had a goatee.” … Nothing further to report.

The pull out king

A man sporting a white T-shirt featuring a printed woman, a “full length black leather duster” and another Cincinnati Reds hat (this time, in black) entered a store. An employee was talking with a customer when she spotted him, who “she recognizes as someone who steals from the store.” When she made it to him, “he was stuffing bacon and sausage down the front of his pants.” She confronted him about the meat-stuffing, so he pulled out and asked her about the foods the store carries. He put the food back, but the employee continued to keep an eye out. She observed unusual bulges in the man’s pants and full-length coat: he stuffed dog treats in a breast pocket, dog food in one of his pant legs and air fresheners in the other pant leg. The employee followed him out and confronted him again. According to the report, “He did not say anything and hopped into an orange Chevy HHR, which immediately pulled out and left the area.”

Grand theft auto 

Business employees had set up toys for sale in front of their store. That day, one of the employees witnessed a white man snatch six remote-control cars and sprint off behind the store. By the time the employee called officers and they arrived to the store, the suspect had sped off with his plunder, approximately $70 in toy cars.

Girls just wanna have fun

A woman walked into a store with an older male companion with gray hair and gray hoodie. While the man ordered an ice cream, the woman walked over to the toiletries aisle. She then started taking what an employee thought to be “feminine products,” or what some refer to as tampons and pads.  She set down her purse and stowed the products away, as the man left to pump the car with gas. She picked up a few more items and went up to the cashier herself, looking confused, and asked where her companion went. An employee told her he was outside getting gas, so she set down her items and never returned. And neither did the “feminine products.”

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Amanda Dee
Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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