The Docket: 12/15/15

Penis envy

A woman called in to report vandalism. Someone (or some ones) had painted “DICK” on a side of her house. The woman suspects two of her son’s ex-friends because  “when [her son] doesn’t play with them, they get ‘crazy.’” She also suspects this because her son’s new and improved friend said the two ex-friends told him they “were the ones going through the neighborhood spray painting houses.” Her son’s alibi was that he hasn’t left the house to play in over a month(?). The vandalism occurred at approximately 9 p.m., before their bed times.

The usual suspect

A white four-door car (strike one) was circling around a neighborhood (strike two) at 2:30 in the morning (strike three). The suspect, wearing white tennis shoes and with “scruffy facial hair” (strike four), then stopped the vehicle at a home and walked up to the porch, where he stole a package.  The suspect stole $31 “pink slippers” from a 65-year-old man who was planning on giving them to his wife. (The suspect may or may not be wearing the pink slippers.)

Even higher steaks

At a nearby grocery store, an officer was requested on a theft call. The security officer on site had a suspect “in custody for stealing steaks.” He told the officer “he observed [the suspect] in the rear of the store with a cart full of steaks. Turns out the suspect confessed to stealing the steaks so he could sell them and turn a profit. By the numbers: The sevens steaks totaled to $69-worth of beef.

Bank job

At approximately 9 p.m. the caller parked her car in the garage and “everything was fine.” After a night of sleep, at about 8:30 in the morning, she returned to her car to find someone had broken into it. And stolen $3. She asked the responding officer if an evidence crew could come check everything out, and the officer told her how long that would take. “She declined and stated that she had things to do.”

‘Bad wolf’ 

An officer was dispatched to the scene of a grand theft auto. The woman’s vehicle was a tan Buick. There were no signs of forced entry, and the woman said she might have possibly left the doors unlocked (she left the doors unlocked). The corner of the rear driver side window is marked with a white sticker that says “bad wolf.”

Love thy neighbor

When officers arrived to the scene, a shopping cart was somewhere it didn’t belong. A man’s neighbor yelled at him to “turn down his ‘rap’ music.” The man reported that the neighbor then “‘sucker’ punched him.”  That’s when the man attacked back, throwing a nearby shopping cart at his neighbor—and missing. The neighbor didn’t like that so much, so he started running at the man, who grabbed a pipe from his apartment to defend himself. The man said the neighbor then got into a “girl’s car” and drove off. The man couldn’t provide any further details on the getaway vehicle. “He would only call it a ‘girl’s car.’”

Make like a tree 

Someone called in a burglary. Upon the officer’s arrival to the apartment, it was left opened and “in disarray.” The “resident returned drinking a 40 ounce of Colt beer.” The resident said he was out taking care of his sick mother for a few days before receiving a security message on Facebook via the apartment building’s security team.  When he checked to see what was going on, items were missing including the usual laptop, TV, computer—as well as two vases and two plants.

Say my name…say my name?

An officer was dispatched to a restaurant on an assault call. When the officer arrived, he spoke to one of the victims, who was jumped by three men while doing what you usually do at a restaurant. The one victim said he was fine, but that his friend had sustained injuries to the face. The friend with the hurt face already left. He “did not know [‘the friend’s] last name even though they have been friends for 6 months.”

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Amanda Dee
Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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