The Docket 12/22/15

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

by Amanda Dee

How the Grinch stole Minion, Hello Kitty

A woman had left her home in the morning and returned that afternoon to find what the Whos found when their village was ransacked. The tree: gone. A Hello Kitty bike, a Hello Kitty helmet, Hello Kitty body wash, a Minion blanket: gone. A stuffed Olaf snowman was also stolen. The items cost hundreds of dollars. The woman suspects the Grinch to be her ex because he continuously called her through the night and “made several statements about the house being broken into.”


An officer was dispatched on a theft call. When he arrived, he asked the caller, who was the victim’s neighbor, what had happened. The neighbor said he was just getting back from work when he noticed “an unknown male” on his neighbor’s back porch. He then shouted at the unknown male, who was white and wearing a black coat, “as he now believed he was up to no good.” That’s when the neighbor noticed a shiny new red toy in the hands of the suspect. The toy was a kid’s four-wheeler.

Missing Minion

A male thirty-something called in to report the cutting of his family’s Christmas lights—and the kidnapping of their inflatable Minion, Stuart. Stuart has one eye and black, combed hair. His build is short and yellow. He was last seen wearing denim overalls and goggles with black boots and black gloves. Though, he could also be dressed up as a girl, like he was after the Anti-Villain League recruited his villain, Gru. Although Stuart’s friends often consider him a slacker and he’s mistaken some of his yellow companions for bananas multiple times, his family wants to see this case brought to justice.

A string of lights, crimes

“An unknown suspect cut the wiring to the victim’s string of Christmas lights, a violation of Ohio Revised Code 2909.06.” When the husband had left for work that morning, the lights had been functional. When he returned home, the festive lights were extinguished. Two days prior to this cutting, the suspect, or a different suspect, had cut the lights “in a similar fashion.” Though neither the husband nor the wife saw who cut the lights, they suspect a naughty juvenile whom the wife had previously scolded for abusing neighborhood cats.

For the third time in a week, a suspect cut a family’s string of multicolored Christmas lights intended to turn their house into a beacon of holiday spirit. At approximately 9 a.m., the woman of the household left the house to do some shopping. She returned a few hours later. That evening when they turned on their lights that night, their joy was dimmed. The lights cost the family $25. Again.

In the period of a week, the suspect(s) cut five sets of Christmas lights. The caller said his wife had “ran several juveniles when they were found in their yard throughout the week.”

The season of giving

A victim of a theft of Christmas joy called in to report his 24-inch Christmas reef with “multi colored Xmas bulb and lights” stolen. The man had owned the reef and hung it on his home for “several years.” He did not know for sure who committed the crime but suspects a homeless man: the man said he “had made the mistake of giving him money over Thanksgiving of this year and he has returned repeatedly.” The man said he “stopped giving him money and believes he may have taken the reef” perhaps as retribution.

Naughty baby or criminal?

A mom was hiding her child’s Christmas gifts in a secret location. When she checked on the secret location, the door had been kicked in and all of the gifts were gone: multiple boxes of Christmas clothes, a child’s bath chair, diapers, baby wipes, bassinet, car seat and stroller. The items totaled to a few hundred dollars and probably a whole lot of stress for the mom. (As readers may have assumed, some of the gifts were given to the mother at her baby shower when the child was unborn because no cool baby asks for diapers.)

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

Tags: , ,

Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Got an Opinion?


We are interested to hear what you think.  Please send us a message. [contact-form 4 “Opinion”]  

Springfield’s hidden gem


Referred to as an American Folk Art site, I didn’t know what I expected on my journey to Springfield’s Hartman […]

Debate 7/17: Flag on the Play


Q: Should persons with certain known behavioral tendencies such as suicide or violence be prohibited from owning guns? Legislatures across […]

Conspiracy Theorist 7/17: Hooray for Domino’s

Year after year, the same roads are torn up and road crews patch them. But they never really repair them. […]

On Your Marc 7/17: Good any day

First, a funny story. Larry Lee, the big tackle from Roth High School, for a number of reasons decided he […]

The Cult, Stone Temple Pilots, and Bush at Rose

CULT 2016 Tim Cadiente-2

“Rock and roll never forgets,” the classic rock song goes, and Billy Duffy, guitarist and founding member of the British […]