The Docket 2/2/16

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

by Amanda Dee

A woman started receiving texts from an unknown number. The first line of the first text read, “U really hate me so much U F with my household and my kids livelihood?” Then, the sender clarified in the second line of the message: “OK this is not a threat at all.” The woman responded, “I have no idea who this is.” “Really who is this, WTF,” the unknown texter said. “OK must be the wrong number.”

Grab and goateed
At approximately 11 a.m., a goateed man wearing a trench coat walked into a store, grabbed a pack of donuts and left without paying. The manager witnessed the snatch in action and followed him to the parking lot. Upon confrontation, the goateed man handed over the donuts and left. (The goatee was white.)

To each man his own
Officers on patrol spotted a man opening the door to a car, until he spotted the approaching squad car and left the vehicle with a duffel bag in tow. The officers reported they believed he got “spooked” when he noticed them. The officers approached him and asked whose car he had just opened, to which he had no explanation. “Dance Team” was embroidered on the bag, which contained another monogramed “purse-like” bag. The duffel also contained hairpieces and earrings. The man clarified to the officers the duffel bag was his—just not any of its contents.

Just trynna chill
Two teens entered a convenience store “wanting to buy cigarillos” without ID. The cashier told them no ID, no cigarillos. The two teens then roamed around the store. A customer reported to the assistant manager that one of the teens had slipped an item from the store under the sleeve of his. When the assistant manager told him to relinquish the item, the teen claimed to have brought the item in with him and pushed past the manager and exited the store. The manager followed the teen out, but the teen didn’t like that so much, according to deductive reasoning following his statement: “I’m gonna knock you out.” Upon review of the footage, the teen appears to have slipped a “Bob Marley drink” up his sleeve. The other teen appears to have stolen “unknown candy.”

Tide to go
At approximately 8:30 p.m., the on-duty manager at a convenience store took a smoking break. She watched as a “white male suspect” entered the store. According to the report, “As soon as he entered, she knew he would be stealing from [the store].” After “a short time later,” the man left the store, and the manager confirmed her suspicion. The security footage shows the man as he targets the laundry aisle and pocks fabric softener and detergent pods (which also shows how much more practical pods can be for certain laundry-doers, if anyone was debating moving on from the more traditional liquid soap).

Tide considers hiring thieves to draw free advertising
Two people walked into a convenience store—one of whom had a goatee (a potentially major or negative sign of criminality, as readers know). The other person, though beardless, also was up to no good. The coconspirators shoved laundry detergent pods into their cart and the beardless one’s purse before walking out without stopping, not even at the cashier. This time, the heist lost the store $60-worth of various pods.

Panty liars
A man and woman walked into a store. As they were “browsing,” an employee noticed the woman holding the pouch of her sweatshirt as if she was storing something inside the sweatshirt, but he didn’t see her take anything. However, he did see her male counterpart carrying a package of men’s underwear around the store with him. When the employee asked the potential customer/suspect if he wanted to purchase the panties, the man informed him that “he had put the item back but was still carrying it around.” The undies, priced at $7.99, were missing after the pair left, leading the employee to think the man toting them around had stolen them.

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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