The Docket 09/08

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

Love thy neighbor

After his neighbor threatened him with a knife, a 42-year-old man decided to get the authorities involved. The man checked his mailbox at about 8:30 p.m., when his dog ran past him into his neighbor’s yard. The dog sat by the neighbor’s kids, who the man considered the dog’s friends since they play together regularly. He called for his dog to return, but the neighbor stuck his head out of his window and shouted, “No one’s gonna threaten me,” which confused the man because he and his dog were not threatening anyone. The neighbor, the man said, then proceeded “rantin’ and ravin’ like a lunatic” until his dog retreated under a car across the street in fear. The climax came when the neighbor wailed, “I got something for you motherf—-r” and grabbed his shoes and came outside before pulling a knife out of his back pocket. He kept shouting then walked back into his apartment.

Livin’ la vida Loko

Four Four Lokos and 10 swishers were stolen from a convenience store at about 1 p.m. on a Tuesday. When an officer arrived at the store, the clerk explained how it all went down: A man grabbed four Four Lokos and ran out, then another man grabbed 10 swishers and ran out. The clerk tried to stop the second perpetrator. However, the perpetrator just pushed him out of the way with the swishers he came for. Despite the crime taking place in broad daylight, the two men remain unidentified and roam free with their plunder. The real crime? The report classified Four Loko as “beer.”

Leave (get out)

Two officers were called to a hospital because a woman refused to leave. After being treated, the woman complained about the service and started lashing out at other patients and visitors. A visitor complained right back at her, and the woman did not like that. She stated she wanted to be treated again then changed her mind and stated she would leave. She continued to flip back and forth, saying she would leave then finding an excuse to stay. Finally, officers arrested her for trespassing. When they moved to handcuff her, she ran screaming back into the emergency room. Once they caught her, she kicked and “thrashed about” as they attempted to drag her toward the cruiser.

The high life

For a month, a 63-year-old woman kept waking to blue skies and broken bottles in her yard. She suspected her neighbor but had no evidence to incriminate him–that is, until the other night, when the woman caught her neighbor in the act of urinating into a Miller High Life bottle. She reviewed the act on video after the incident (she has a video camera installed on the side of her house). After he emptied his bladder into the bottle, he catapulted it into the victim’s yard, where the container shattered and the evidence leaked onto the sidewalk.  The footage shows the neighbor stumbling before going back into his home, where he, presumably, continued to drink more of the High Life.

Breaking and lighting up

Officers were dispatched to a gas station after a break-in triggered the alarm system. After inspection of the scene and meeting with one of the employees, it was determined that the glass of the entrance door was broken and nine cartons of Marlboro cigarettes were missing. In the footage, the suspect strategically maintains anonymity with a hooded sweatshirt and gloves and runs in, grabs the cigarettes and runs out. If you or someone you know sees someone chain-smoking nine cartons of Marlboros, that individual could possibly be the suspect.

 In a pickle

A man left his home at about 9 a.m. and returned at about 11 p.m. When he went to open the door, he couldn’t because it had already been opened. He peeked around to see what was up, only to find his TV and laptops missing. Further exploration revealed his back door and kitchen window were also open. He said that it would have been nearly impossible to get in through the back door due to the “large number of boxes that were stacked in the mud room.” The place also reeked of vinegar due to the vinegar that was poured all over his tables, entertainment center, dresser drawers and bed.

Til your leaked nudes do us part

While at work, a woman received a phone call from her mom. But it wasn’t good news: a nude photo of her had been posted all over Facebook. The woman is currently living with a divorcee, who recently got into a heated argument with his ex-wife on the phone. The ex-wife then went to the house and snatched the man’s phone, which was storing a nude photo of the victim and was signed on his Facebook account. The ex-wife, allegedly taking advantage of the opportunity, sent the nude to all her ex-husband’s contacts.
Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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