The Docket 3/1/16

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

by Amanda Dee
Mud Monster strikes again

The victim and her husband had been out of the house for about 30 minutes when her mother dropped by. The mother knew something was not quite right because the backdoor had been kicked wide open and her daughter’s TV was gone. Most suspiciously, the report noted, “there were muddy footprints at the rear door.” However, this isn’t the first time muddy tracks have mysteriously manifested after a house was ransacked …

She’s beauty and she’s Mace

An officer (and everyone) cited an area near a nightclub after close as a prime time fighting spot. While on duty in said area one night, the officer spotted a crowd gathering and growing in numbers. At the center of this crowd was a woman thirsting for a fight—she had already Maced two sets of eyeballs by the time officers could start breaking everything up. After separating the woman from the crowd, the reporting officer asked her how old she was to which she replied, “24.” (And the officer found that suspicious because apparently everyone over the age of 20 is supposed to not only grow up but also remember a string of nine numbers.) The reporting officer explained, “[She] was being detained at this time because of the allegations of her spraying Mace into people’s eyes.”

Bigots and broomsticks

Two officers arrived to the scene, where two women and a man with a bloody face told them their story. The bloody-faced man had arrived at one of the women’s houses to “retrieve property.” But this turned out to be anything but a normal retrieval.  One of the woman said a man had stolen money from her the day before, and that man arrived on the premises, leading to some arguing.  The suspect became “very upset” and “charged [the other man] with a broomstick.” Then, officers reported, “[The suspect] decided he wanted to assault [the other man] without a stick,” so he slammed him to the ground. The suspect shouted, “White power!” as officers cuffed him and finally took him to the slammer.

If she told you to jump off a cliff…

At a convenience store, an employee noticed two girls attempt to take mechanical pencils, zebra-print duct tape, a backpack, seven notebooks, a Sprite and Crunchy Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.  Their stash was a little too ambitious, however, as it required multiple, suspicious trips to the store throughout the day. It also required a quick drop of everything when they were caught and attempted to flee the store. The girls told officers another girl was going to pay them $50 for stealing the items in the store for her. When asked where the other girl was, the girls said, “She left.” After officers brought the girls to a correctional facility, the truth was revealed: she had lied about her name. When asked why she lied, the girl said the other female told her to. Though, that defense doesn’t always hold up as it does in home trials.

It’s complicated

One morning, the victim and his ex attended church together. The victim got home around noon then spent the day out. At approximately 8 p.m., the man returned to his home, which smelled a lot like burning. When he started investigating his bedroom, he found a puddle under his TV. The suspect poured water all over the back of the TV. And that suspect was the victim’s ex girlfriend, who had been sending him angry texts throughout the day for not coming home the night before.

Smoking kills

A woman called in to report an instance of vandalism. On her concrete porch, the victim had a heavy stand, which she had re-purposed as an ashtray. One evening, the suspect couldn’t find the DIY ashtray where it usually resided. It was toward the front of the porch. According to the report, “it appeared that the ashtray was either thrown into, or used as a club, and struck the porch, causing several feet of the front of the front porch to break off and crumble.”

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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