Regional police blotters, reported and interpreted

By Ehron Ostendorf

Editor’s Choice

Hot case

A fire lieutenant responded to a car fire. While putting out the flames with his colleagues, he observed two men standing in the area and watching the fire, a little suspiciously. The two men vacated the premises, and within the same hour, police received another anonymous call about a nearby trash fire. Officers met with the fire lieutenant. who told officers what direction the two men had headed. Officers realized that the trash fire was in the same direction. A trail was now illuminated for officers to follow.


Cell phone swirly

A woman was at a Family Dollar and decided to stop by the restroom before leaving. After leaving the restroom, she headed to her car and loaded her purchases inside. She entered her car and felt around for her phone, but it was nowhere to be found. She went back inside to ask an employee if he had seen her phone when she was struck by an idea: she remembered setting her phone on the toilet paper holder in the bathroom. She returned to the restroom and went into the same stall she had used, but the phone wasn’t there. She remembered placing it there so her phone wouldn’t plummet into the toilet, but it unfortunately wasn’t safe from other restroom users. The woman went to the front desk to use the store’s phone and call the police.


A man entered a restaurant and waited to be seated. Once he was seated, he settled down and kept a watchful eye out for his server. He witnessed no servers in his vicinity, so he made his move and snatched a bottle of hot sauce. The hot sauce thief evaded all security measures and left with his hot item. His server finally showed up and noticed the man had gone, along with the hot sauce. The server felt compelled to report the theft. Once officers received the report, they placed a call out for the notorious hot sauce thief.

Last laugh

A woman called police to report vandalism. When officers arrived, she took them to her backyard. Her prized possession, a wooden privacy-fence, was torn down. She stated she didn’t notice the damage until late the night before and didn’t want to call police until the morning, as to not bother them late at night. She said she had a suspect in mind, but wouldn’t divulge the information because she wasn’t positive about her accusation. She said she merely wanted to file a report for her home insurance so they could fix her fence. Everyone who mocked her for getting fence insurance wouldn’t be laughing now. Officers, on the other hand, were still on the fence about it.

Family ties

A woman went to visit her cousin who was recently admitted to the hospital. The woman arrived at the hospital and brought her cousin some food, and some comfort. While she was in the room, her cousin’s girlfriend entered and told her she needed to leave. The woman was confused, but thought the girlfriend might be jealous of her presence. The girlfriend became angry when the cousin didn’t tell the woman to leave, so she hit the cousin while he was lying in his hospital bed. The woman tried to pull the girlfriend off of the cousin, but the girlfriend started hitting the woman instead. Luckily, a doctor entered the scene and broke up the fight. The woman vacated the area to call police and file an assault charge against the girlfriend. In retrospect, the woman thought it probably would’ve been better to simply mention to the girlfriend that she was a cousin and not “the other woman.”

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Ehron Ostendorf
Reach DCP freelance writer Ehron Ostendorf at

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