The Docket: 3/22

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

by Amanda Dee

The unluck of the Irish

It was closing time on St. Patrick’s Day, and everyone was stirring, especially a bouncer. When officers arrived on scene, they spoke with the complainant, who reported he “walked out of the bar on his own” (impressive) then couldn’t find his friend, the one who drove him to the bar. So, he went back in to find him, thinking he’d check the bathroom for his buddy. With no luck, he turned to the bouncer to see if he had seen him. According to the complainant, the bouncer “grabbed him with one hand around the neck” and escorted him to the back parking lot, to which the man responded by asking him why he was being such “a jerk”—to which the bouncer responded by balling up his hand in a fist and socking him in the face.

The fighting Irish

On the night of St. Patrick’s Day, a man decided to hop to a bar with his friends and sister. According to the man, his sister was drunk and it was closing time. One of the bouncers then pushed his sister to the ground because she was “acting up.” When the man attempted to help his sister back up, “the bouncer with the tattoos all over his face sucker punched him in the face,” he told police. And the officers noted he had the facial abrasions to prove it.

Now you see me…

An officer “observed two males smoking in the non smoking section.” They were standing smoking by a “no smoking” sign. The officer also verbally informed them that the area was in fact a non-smoking area. Both men handed over their identification, which the officer brought back to his cruiser. One of the men “then hid behind a utility box that was obstructing [the officer’s] view of him.” According to the report, that didn’t work too well (the men had drugs on them and clearly can’t follow directions).

Live, laugh, love

A woman parked her car in a store parking lot and entered the store. When she came back out, she spotted her ex-boyfriend in the driver’s seat. The woman told the reporting police officer her ex apparently had been dropped off by one of his friends. The ex threw her phone on the ground, rendering it broken and probably rendering her really mad. He then drove off with her car. According to the report, three window stickers mark the stolen vehicle: “a set of pink lips,” “baby on board” and “live, laugh, love.”

When your chain hangs too low…

A woman standing at an intersection flagged down an officer driving by. She informed her she had just left a bread establishment and was waiting by a bus stop. There, a white male who she had seen in the bread establishment started speaking with her. After a few minutes of conversation, she left to use the bathroom. That’s when she realized her wallet was missing, and the man from the bread establishment probably snagged it. It had not been in her pocket, but attached to a chain attached to her pants.

Slim’s back

The beef thief struck again—this time, stealing $18-worth of jerky from a convenience store. The manager of the convenience store told police he caught the act on camera and would send detectives a flash drive for them to watch the horror for themselves.

Hole in the wall

A wall was broken. Officers were dispatched on a call of breaking and entering to the scene where the wall was broken. According to the report, the homeowner explained to officers, “There was a hole in the side of their unattached garage.” When the homeowner spoke to her husband, he said nothing seemed to be missing (but also who knows because garages are dumping grounds for tchotchkes and forgotten projects). Everyone just wants to know why. Why this wall? Why them?

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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