The Docket 3/8/16

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

by Amanda Dee

 No butts about it

An officer was driving on patrol when he noticed seven or eight individuals fighting in a parking lot in front of a gay nightclub. As he drove toward the tussle, the group stopped the brawling—except for one man, who continued throwing punches. The officer got out of his car and asked five of the men what was going on. They said the two men over there started beating on them because they were Russian. The officer told the two men to stop, and they ran away. One of the men was caught by a different officer nearby. Some running, resisting and a stun gun to the right butt cheek later, and the other was in cuffs. When he stumbled up in a drunken and stunned stupor a few minutes later, he said he fought the Russians because they were disrespecting America. 

Love thy neighbor

After his neighbor threatened him with a knife, a 42-year-old man decided to get the authorities involved. The man checked his mailbox at about 8:30 p.m., when his dog ran past him into his neighbor’s yard. The dog sat by the neighbor’s kids, who the man considered the dog’s friends since they play together regularly. He called for his dog to return, but the neighbor stuck his head out of his window and shouted, “No one’s gonna threaten me,” which confused the man because he and his dog were not threatening anyone. The neighbor, the man said, then proceeded “rantin’” and “ravin’ like a lunatic” until his dog retreated under a car across the street in fear. The climax came when the neighbor wailed, “I got something for you motherf—-r” and grabbed his shoes and came outside before pulling a knife out of his back pocket. He kept shouting then walked back into his apartment.

Livin’ la vida Loko

Four Four Lokos and 10 swishers were stolen from a convenience store at about 1 p.m. on a Tuesday. When an officer arrived at the store, the clerk explained how it all went down: A man grabbed four Four Lokos and ran out, then another man grabbed 10 swishers and ran out. The clerk tried to stop the second perpetrator. However, the perpetrator just pushed him out of the way with the swishers he came for. Despite the crime taking place in broad daylight, the two men remain unidentified and roam free with their plunder. The real crime? The report classified 4 Loko as “beer.”

Leave (get out)

Two officers were called to a hospital because a woman refused to leave. After being treated, the woman complained about the service and started lashing out at other patients and visitors. A visitor complained right back at her, and the woman did not like that. She stated she wanted to be treated again then changed her mind and stated she would leave. She continued to flip back and forth, saying she would leave then finding an excuse to stay. Finally, officers arrested her for trespassing. When they moved to handcuff her, she ran screaming back into the emergency room. Once they caught her, she kicked and “thrashed about” as they attempted to drag her toward the cruiser.

The high life

For a month, a 63-year-old woman kept waking to blue skies and broken bottles in her yard. She suspected her neighbor but had no evidence to incriminate him–that is, until the other night, when the woman caught her neighbor in the act of urinating into a Miller High Life bottle. She reviewed the act on video after the incident (she has a video camera installed on the side of her house). After he emptied his bladder into the bottle, he catapulted it into the victim’s yard, where the container shattered and the evidence leaked onto the sidewalk.  The footage shows the neighbor stumbling before going back into his home, where he, presumably, continued to drink more of the High Life.

Breaking and lighting up

Officers were dispatched to a gas station after a break-in triggered the alarm system. After inspection of the scene and meeting with one of the employees, it was determined that the glass of the entrance door was broken and nine cartons of Marlboro cigarettes were missing. In the footage, the suspect strategically maintains anonymity with a hooded sweatshirt and gloves and runs in, grabs the cigarettes and runs out. If you or someone you know sees someone chain smoking nine cartons of Marlboros, that individual could possibly be the suspect.

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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