The Docket: 4/5/16

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

by Amanda Dee

White boy No. 1

A 30-40-year-old white man in a coat and beanie with “possible facial hair” broke into a vehicle. Well, it was unlocked, so he just opened the door and rummaged through it until he found his plunder: a $1 bill. Thankfully, the husband of the owner of the vehicle had set up cameras around his house and caught him in the act. (But, there are too many white boys of similar description to identify the thief at this point in time.)

Sisterhood of the traveling $400

A woman told her sister she could use her shower while she was at work. The woman left her house in the morning and realized she had left her wallet at home. When she returned later that evening, there was water in the shower tub and less money in her wallet. The suspect had taken $400 of the $800 the woman had stowed away. She has no way of knowing if her sister came alone, but there were no signs of forced entry, leading everyone to deduce her sister might have probably taken it. At least she only took half?

The louder the bark…

Officers were called to a burglary in progress. When they arrived to the house, the suspect was gone and the flat screen TV he attempted to pilfer was not. According to the victim, when she was lying in bed, she heard a clatter downstairs. When she went to check out what was happening and spotted a stranger transporting her TV out of her home, she asked him, “What the f–k are you doing?!” to which the suspect responded by dropping the TV and probably loudly thinking one of the words above.

B—–s be snitches

A mom and her daughter called police to report her daughter’s stolen phone and kind of underage drinking. The daughter had attended a party, where underage persons of unknown identity were drinking and eating bars (and, no, not granola or protein bars or even weed bars, as I also initially thought). The daughter told officers she was not drinking or doing the Xanax bars and “simply fell asleep.” When she awoke from her little nap, her phone and money were missing. She named the girl who took her phone and confirmed that her friends at the party had witnessed said girl holding the phone. According to the report, “the friends wanted to be snitches.”

Sweet ’n low

An officer was called to a complainant’s porch, where a theft had occurred. The complainant informed officers she had left her insulin pump and pen on the porch in the evening, and then checked to see if her backdoor was locked. Approximately one to two minutes later, she returned to find all her critical medical supplies missing. The reporting officer asked her if she just misplaced it because she had reportedly only been away from the supplies a few minutes and possibly also because she didn’t want to believe someone would stoop that low.

Hide poorly ’n seek easily

The cashier at a convenience store had the perfect position to observe the crime in action: behind the cash register. She told the responding officer she saw a regular come in whom she suspected was shoplifting every store visit. While suspiciously watching his every move, she witnessed him hide some store items in his coat. She checked the beer cooler and realized the items were three bottles of vodka. She gave the officer a license plate number of someone she knew was with illicit-vodka-coat suspect. Successfully pursuing the lead, the officer found the suspect despite his hiding spot “behind some boxes near a water heater.” The officer also found the vodka in the suspect’s pocket, still unopened. The suspect then revealed his other hiding places for the stolen goodies: the refrigerator and under the bed.


A complainant called into the station to report a theft. According to the complainant, “An unknown person siphoned approximately 10 gallons of gasoline out of his 1999 Mazda.” (Perhaps, the grand theft auto didn’t occur because the auto wasn’t so grand.) The complainant’s car was parked at the back of his residence in an alley, and there are currently no suspects—except for anyone reeking of gasoline.

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

Tags: , , ,

Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Got an Opinion?


We are interested to hear what you think.  Please send us a message. [contact-form 4 “Opinion”]  

Yes, Flying Saucers Do Exist!

Allison Maddux (Scandal #5) layout bid against Kathryn Lawson (Riot #38). 2013 USA Ultimate Club National Championships Women's Semifinals

Please don’t call it Frisbee. Colorful flying plastic discs fill the air around this time of year, tossed from hand […]

Debate 7/10: You’ve got mail…for now!


Who in their wildest dreams thought Donald Trump could be a consensus builder? Certainly not me. Donald has done something […]

Bubbles to beat the brunch backlash


I casually peruse food articles, as you might guess. One emerging set of hot takes seems to revolve around brunch. […]

Jump, jive, and wail!


Since 1982, Muse Machine has been a staple of many lives in the Miami Valley. Over 76,000 lives, each year, […]

A Monument to Insurrection


Dayton Society of Artists’ special summer exhibit Alan Pocaro, The Distance Between Us When We Communicate (Detail) By Tim Smith […]