Cupcake capers

A man walked into a store and headed to the cupcake section. The owner suspected there would be trouble because the man had stolen things from his store in the past. Police were always too late to catch him, but not this time, the owner decided. The man picked up a cupcake and proceeded to devour the whole item all at once in front of the owner. The owner called police, and the cupcake thief vacated the premises. Another caller tipped off police, telling them to check a nearby parking lot because two men were “acting crazy.” The caller also said the parking lot was a popular spot for illegal activities. When officers arrived, they had the owner of the shop identify one of the men as the cupcake thief. It was determined that the man was acting crazy, not because of drugs, but because of a sugar high.

When God closes a door…

A pastor went into his church on Sunday morning and opened the blinds to brighten up the place. He saw broken glass at one window, which wasn’t there the night before. He also saw a bullet hole in the blinds and an entry in the window with a similar shape. He realized that it was a holiday the night before and that a stray bullet must have hit the window during celebrations. Or maybe God?

Blame game

One day, a woman noticed a few small dents on the side of her above-ground pool. Later that day, the woman noticed the pool was leaking slightly from a small puncture. She repaired the hole and went back inside her house. Once inside, she saw pelts flying at the side of the pool and noticed an adolescent shooting a BB gun from a distance. Eighteen dents later, the woman had enough—she finally called the police. An officer arrived and gathered the details. The woman said she found two boys playing with a BB gun and suspected they were responsible for the damage to her pool. The officer departed to speak to one of the boys. The boy accused his friend of owning a BB gun. In return, the friend said the first boy had been using his gun, and was to blame. The officer suspected the boys were playing the classic finger pointing game and that a more extensive investigation would be needed to determine the culprit.

Baby bamboozle

A woman walked into a store pushing an empty stroller. As she went down each aisle, she grabbed an item and quickly tossed it into the area where the baby would be. At one point, an employee noticed the woman was throwing heavy jars and cans into the stroller. Suspecting there was no baby, he kept an eye on the woman as she cooed and smiled at her food baby. When the woman tried to make a break for it, the employee chased after her into the parking lot where she lost her footing and spilled the contents of the stroller all over the pavement. Luckily, the employee was right; there was no baby, just a lot of stolen goods. The woman stood up and ran away while the employees collected the cans and jars from the parking lot.

No bussing way

A bus driver was making his way from one bus stop to another. As he drove, the man noticed some loud noises. It was so loud that he feared the sound was gunfire Finally, the bus driver noticed the sound came from rocks flying at the driver-side window. He saw a man in hot pursuit of the bus and sped up to escape. The man threw another rock, which scuffed the side of the bus. Terrified, the bus driver asked one of the passengers to call the police. When the rock throwing man was out of sight, the bus driver pulled over to the side of the road to file a police report.

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Ehron Ostendorf
Reach DCP freelance writer Ehron Ostendorf at EhronOstendorf@DaytonCityPaper.com.

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