The Docket

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim

By Amanda Dee

Girls just wanna have fun

A woman stuffed her pockets full of items from a store and attempted to walk out without paying. When the officer on duty confronted her, telling her she needed to come with him to the security, she asked why. He said, “You know why,” to which she replied, “what” multiple times before splitting. With two Monistats and one box of blonde hair dye in her pockets, she kept running and didn’t look back.

Spare change

A man called in to report a burglary. When the officer arrived at the residence, the victim said a total of $600 dollars had been stolen from his residence, which was currently being remodeled. There were no signs of damage on any windows or doors, and the man had no clue about potential suspects or how the suspects could have known where all the money was hiding. $400 of the stolen money was in $20s in a dresser drawer.  $200 of the stolen money was in quarters in the living room.

This one’s on me

A woman was chilling on the back patio of a bar, sipping a beer. Officers approached the woman, who had on an electronic home detention ankle bracelet, and asked her what she thought she was doing. She said she just had a doctor’s appointment right next door. When officers went to that building, the door was locked and every single light in the building was off. The days and hours were clearly listed on the door and those times didn’t include that day, so they deduced that she was lying to them and took her to jail.

Faith in humanity

The other day, a 59-year-old woman invited another woman into her home “because she felt bad for the female.” The invitee looked emaciated. Between the hours of 6 and 11 p.m., the woman’s TV and heart medication went missing—the only suspect is her houseguest. The woman said she “was trying to be nice.”

Hairy topic

A man told the reporting officer he had a woman in his apartment during the time he was robbed. The woman was just there cutting her hair. Although he had known the woman for “well over two months,” he “could not recall the name of this female.” At about 6 p.m., he headed to his mom’s house, leaving the woman alone in his apartment. When he returned an hour later, his wallet, phone and “two red and blue female skirts” were stolen. He said the woman was a blue-eyed, brunette weighing at about 300 pounds.

Pray for pizza

A local pizza man was delivering happiness around the community, when he arrived at the house belonging to what he thought was going to be another friendly customer. He took the pizza to the front door and knocked. An “elderly white male” answered and asked how he could help him. The pizza man clearly had an order from that residence, but the layman said he didn’t call for any such joy. So, the pizza man brought the pizza back to his car and was about to call his manager when two male twenty-somethings, who were sitting on a nearby stoop, approached him—one of whom was thinly mustached and was wearing a nylon windbreaker. They took everything he had ($30). The officer probably asked ‘what remains sacred in this world?’

Packing cold

The other day, a man tried to retrieve his gun from the refrigerator, well the top of it. But no gun was on top of the fridge. The man said he suspects the guy he was hanging out with, at least until the guy stopped showing up about three days ago. Cold. But the man expressed his doubts, saying he didn’t know if the other man even knew where the gun was.

Like a robbing cowboy

Between the hours of 4 and 6 a.m., a suspect or multiple suspects committed a crime on a porch. The suspect(s) apparently walked onto the porch, stole the owner’s “wooden Dallas Cowboys chair” and walked off the porch. And they didn’t come back. The chair was valued at $1. …As the report said, “Nothing further at this time.”

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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