The Docket: 6/9

By: Amanda Dee

Donut mess with me

Police were called when a bus, marked with “safety and security” on the side, was stolen. It had apparently been abandoned after crashing into a dumpster behind a donut shop. The vehicle was found a week from Donut Day at around 10 p.m. The donut deviant fled after she crashed the vehicle, leaving the keys in the bus (because they were attached the vehicle). Employees of the donut establishment recognized the 47-year-old woman who had commandeered the bus in video security footage. The day before, the woman had been kicked out of the store and left her purse—with identification inside—behind.

What a jerk-y

Police were dispatched to an alley, where a white man was passed out—beef jerky lay strewn on the ground around his body. After many failed attempts, officers managed to wake the man, who they discerned to be intoxicated because he smelled like alcohol, could barely stand on his own two feet and had passed out in an alley surrounded by beef jerky. An employee from the convenience store next door spoke on the man’s behalf: She said that when the man got to the counter with jerky and can of beer in hand and asked her to name her price—of just the jerky—her answer did not please him. He purchased the beer and snuck the jerky out of the store, only to land in the alley where police found him. On the squad trip to jail, the white man continuously banged his head against the cruiser cage.

A game of telephone

A 15-year-old girl reported her cell phone stolen. The victim said she was eating lunch in the high school cafeteria two days prior, so she rested her Samsung Galaxy smartphone on the table. During this time—lunchtime—the perp walked over to her table and pointed in the opposite direction of the victim’s phone. Using criminal expertise and strategy, he shouted, “LOOK AT THAT BUG ON THE WALL.” When the victim looked and did not see a bug on the wall, the perp laughed, turned his back on her and walked away. When the victim finished her meal, she realized something was missing: her phone. A few days after the incident, she heard from a friend who said he heard the perp boasting of his trickery. When the victim confronted him, asking him to return it, he said he sold it. The victim said the perp probably sold the phone to his friend who then gave it to his girlfriend. The officer on the case had to go to the perp’s house to speak to him, since the last school bell of the day had already rung.

Like taking medicine from a sick woman

A 24-year-old woman went to her afternoon group meeting, and it transpired just like any other group meeting. However, when the woman got onto the bus and checked for something in her SpongeBob backpack, she found she was missing 59 pills. The pills of trazodone, an antidepressant, were contained in a recently-filled prescription bottle. The woman said there was only one possible thief who could have had access to her backpack, one of the men at the meeting who had been sitting at the same table as her. There were no witnesses. Police had to wait two weeks for possible video evidence.

If it weren’t for you meddling kids…

A 34-year-old man arrived home at 6 p.m. from a long, hard day of work and plugged his work phone into a kitchen outlet to charge it. He sat down in the living room and, within a few minutes, fell asleep. Upon waking up at 10:30 p.m., he walked back into the kitchen, where his phone was no longer charging. When he used his personal phone to call it, someone picked up and hung up without saying anything. He kept trying to call it after that, but it reached voicemail every time. The victim said he thinks a skinny 15-year-old punk is responsible. This skinny punk, the man said, had broken into his house twice before. He did not want to process the scene. He said he was already 100 percent positive he knew who had done this.

Single white male (and this is why)

A 16-year-old and 9-year-old were home alone, playing upstairs. When the younger girl told her sister she saw someone in the backyard, the older sister didn’t believe her—that is, until they heard their back door open and crept downstairs to find a man punching their pet pit bull. The older sister immediately called her mother, who informed police and quickly returned to her house, where she found a “very large” man with blood trickling down his leg from bites, still fighting her dog. She grabbed her handgun from upstairs, ran back down and pointed the gun at the man’s chin and told him to leave, but he aggressively insisted that it was his house, not hers. She pushed him out of the house, where police took care of the rest. After police transported him to the hospital to treat the bites, the man kept threatening that he likes to fight with the police.

Reach DCP freelance writer Amanda Dee at

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Reach DCP Editor Amanda Dee at

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