Stolen in a nanosecond

Just last week a woman visited her local sheriff’s office to place a tip on a current crime. While at the sheriff’s office, she left her car unlocked on the street. This white Chevy sedan contained many of her personal items. When she returned to her vehicle, she realized that many of her items had been taken from various “cubby holes” within the car. But the most interesting of these items (and the item of the most monetary value) would be her iconic hot pink iPod Nano that was left plugged in the cup-holder. This means that this poor woman can no longer listen to her playlists full of classic bops! Please help her out and if you know who this secret iPod stealing DJ could be… send in your tip ASAP!

Bummed out

In a local park, police were notified of a vandalism occurrence. Within the gazebo at the center of the park, the padlock that held the electrical outlet box shut was broken. A phone charger had been left hanging from the electrical outlet. Various items of trash had also been left at the scene… an urban camping excursion? Possibly! But police scanned the area further and realized that a bike had also been locked to a nearby bike rack in the same spot for several days. An ongoing bum squat in the park? Or what looks like teenagers having a party in the park? If you have the key to this padlocked mystery, send in your tip!


Within a local ice cream parlor, drama was a-brewin’. One of the employees of the store called off work for several days in a row and had no one cover their shift. The manager of the shop of course fired this employee. However, the next day the ice cream parlor was robbed! It is company policy to leave a couple hundred dollars in cash in the register overnight. The lead suspect is none other than the salty employee who was fired the day before because of course this employee had access to keys, knew how to disable alarms, and further, how to turn off cameras. Each of these actions occurred the day after this employee was fired. Police are still on the case, but this sure is a sticky situation. 

Lit up

Just as quickly as a cigarette burns, a local woman came into a local gas station fuming with anger. Just last week a woman pulled into the parking lot of her local gas station in our beautiful city, when an employee of the establishment told her that she needed to move her car so a shipment could take place. However, the woman refused to move her car. She made a scene by fighting with the employee, but what really makes this event spectacular is how she stormed the barricades of the gas station, huffing and puffing, and argued with the clerk at the counter. This employee told her again that she needed to move her car, but she didn’t listen! Instead, she pulled out her phone and began recording the argument then picked up a pack of Newport cigarettes while telling everyone in the station to “show the police this!” She walked out of the store without paying for the cigarettes and drove off. If you know who this wild child may be, please contact the police!

Medium rare

No, I am not talking about a steak… but rather a rare, medium-sized bike that was taken just a few weeks ago. A man went to his local gas station on his bike and entered the establishment for just a few short minutes to purchase a pack of cigarettes. When he came outside, his bike was gone. He lamented to the police officer that he called about how precious his bike was to him and how it was his only mode of transportation to get to his job. Help us find this man’s precious ochre and unique bike (a 1987 Diamondback speed bike), and send in your tip ASAP. 

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Michelle Strauss
Reach Dayton City Paper freelance writer Michelle Strauss at

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