Regional police blotters, reported and interpretedby

By Ehron Ostendorf

Feeding for two

The owner of a store said a woman had entered and walked over to the liquor section. The owner could partly see her, but didn’t see her take anything. When he went about his business, she walked over to the Jack Daniels area and swiped a bottle. She then proceeded to the Hennessy section and took a bottle from it. She walked to the front counter to ask a question — no doubt a guise to make everything seem normal — and then exited the store. The owner said the woman appeared pregnant. Camera footage supports the tale.

Gunning for vacation time

Multiple reports were filed against a man who was apparently threatening people with a firearm. The accused was a security guard – until he came late into work one day. When he arrived at work, the boss simply had enough because the accused had been late on multiple occasions. The boss told the accused to return home, which didn’t sit too well with the accused. He decided to respond by exposing a black Glock on his belt. Video footage confirmed the incident. The officers present asked if the boss felt legitimately threatened, to which the boss responded he might actually have been shot by his employee. All work and no play makes… you know.

Find my iPhone, girlfriend

Gone missing — a report came in for a stolen cellphone. The officer came to investigate and gather all the details of this crime. The victim accused his girlfriend, who lives with him, that she grabbed his phone earlier and ran out with it. He decided to make a report instead of discussing it with her. Was it a crime of passion, or a simple misunderstanding? If only he could call his girlfriend to hear the answer.

The grammar police

A call came in reporting a threatening note. The man said when he awoke, he went outside to grab the mail. When he went outside, he saw a note in his front yard. It said, “2 times now!!! 1 for u and 1 for her 51 shots from all of them, call your bois.” The man revealed that he had a woman over at his place several times and that she had a boyfriend. Obviously, the police were shocked — not just by the threat, but by the sheer audacity of the letter. Who begins a sentence with a numeral? Who uses three exclamation marks in a row??? Not to mention the comma splice at the end of the sentence. Or the use of the word “bois.”

Watching your back

The police station received a vandalism report. The victim said his car had been damaged. The officer observed that in the car’s front hood, wires had been cut. It appeared the thieves were after his car battery, possibly to sell it. He said his neighbor had witnessed the whole thing. The neighbor saw two men near the victim’s car. One was looking out and the other was under the hood. When they saw the neighbor, they bolted. He followed them and saw them drive away. The neighbor gathered the license plate, which the officer looked up in the system. The license  plate belonged to someone who had been previously caught for theft. A second neighbor provided footage from his garage cameras, which supported the story.

Age is just a number

A man reported a theft. He claimed that while he was in jail, his two roommates sold several of his personal items through Facebook. One item was his gun with the number “1978” etched on the barrel. (Now, he probably can’t lie to any of his friends about his age anymore.)

Reach DCP freelance writer Ehron Ostendorf at

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Reach DCP freelance writer Ehron Ostendorf at

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