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A History of Depression

I feel that it is important to share this with whoever happens to come across it.  Maybe it will make a difference, who knows;  I never know how many people read these anyway. I don’t remember when the spiral started, only one day I looked up and realized that I was halfway down the pipe, staring at the […]

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Santa Cruz has a lot of Hippies. And Butt Cheeks.

I just spent two blissful weeks in Santa Cruz, CA, and I must say that Surf City USA is the only place I can think of where a person can look one direction and see idyllic scenery, and turn the other direction and see the most destitute homeless hippies sifting through trash to lick out […]

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First to use DVDA in print…Awesome.

For those of you who read my debate forum column on the economy recently, you probably noticed that I referenced the Tea Party and DVDA in the same sentence.  Here’s the exact quote: “Well, I’m going to go out on a limb here and forward a political philosophy which has been sorely lacking since this […]

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Actual Jury Instructions

Thought I’d share with you some actual jury instructions for your reading enjoyment and comment. These are instructions for a domestic Violence case. Jury Instructions Members of the jury: You have heard the evidence and the arguments of counsel. The court and the jury have separate functions: you decide the disputed facts and the court […]

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Old Lady Get’s Shoved, and the Universe Thinks it’s Justified

I’m back from Spain and I’m jetlagged like crazy.  Newark bumped us from our flight home on Wednesday night and made up take a 7 AM flight, thus robbing us of the opportunity to sleep off most of it.  Newark can suck my balls, by the way.  First off, it’s a {s-t} town in a […]

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Security Guard Stories pt. 2

The following is an email sent to my brother and various other close friends in regards to ridiculous people I used to know.  Certain names and places have been altered because I don’t ever, ever want to have any contact with most of the people in this story.  Ever. Hello.  This email pertains to a […]

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Ha! See if this is the tag line for you

This is the little bio line for another harsh, conservative opinion column masquerading as legitimate commentary on the front of FoxNews’ page: Michael Goodwin is a Fox News contributor and New York Post columnist. To continue reading his column on other topics, including Sarah Palin, click here. Yeah.  Can’t f-ing wait to check out his […]

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FoxNews test of objectivity – replace “Obama” with “Reagan”

Fair and balanced huh?  A lot of you don’t know this, but the only reason Obama ordered the bin Laden hit was to garner political capital.  Oh yeah, political capital that was actually stolen from the years and years of groundwork GW Bush did in…Iraq.  Listen, I know a lot about not being objective.  I’ve […]

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Perpetual Douchebag Syndrome

This one’s for the ladies.  Appendix A Perpetual Douchebag Syndrome is defined (by me) as a hateful, cyclical set of self-defeating, empty relationship skills that inevitably result in the sufferer whining to their emotionally stable and normal friends about how they always seem to end up dating douchebags.  It works something like this: A semi-naive […]

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Security Guard Stories pt. 1

I don’t know why comedians works so hard to pull new material out of their butts.  As near as a I can tell, the funniest stuff in the universe is already being played out every day by collections of moderately-to-severely disturbed/bitter/hateful/annoying/sociopathic troves of pure comedy genius roaming the face of the planet completely unaware of their super […]

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News of the weird: 06/30

By Chuck Shepherd   What Cannibals Can Teach Us Researchers studying the human-brain-eating Fore tribe of Papua New Guinea reported […]

Advice Goddess: 6/30

By Amy Alkon   Owe, Baby, Baby My girlfriend always cries that she’s “broke.” I just ended up buying her […]

The Docket: 06/30

Dayton’s police blotter, reported verbatim Researched and reported by Amanda Dee   Man sorry for accidentally lurking nude At 6:30 […]

Chew on this: 06/30

Back-of-the-envelope nutrition By Jayne Powers   From picking quality carbohydrates to protein powders and dietary supplements, there are scores of […]

Advice Goddess: 6/23

By Amy Alkon Rise And Spine My fiancé is good friends with his ex-girlfriend from college. (We’re all in our […]

30 feet of Abe

Lincoln’s legacy lives on in Troy By John Hamilton Photo: A monumental “Modern Man” discusses the Gettysburg Address with a […]