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Sign Language Astrology 10/20/10

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) The news today had a story about seven major cities that are in imminent danger of sinking, including Bangkok, New Orleans and New York. Rising water levels due to global warming and/or crappy foundations are mostly to blame. This made me think of you, Scorpio. Why? You may not realize that […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Sure, you could bake a traditional apple pie, but these particular guests would probably be more excited if, when they cut into that innocuous crust, they discovered bacon and pecans, or avocado and kiwi—something surprising and just as delicious, if not more so. Thinking outside the box isn’t your specialty, I […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Some things don’t respond well to extra pressure, like sleep. Sometimes the more urgent it is that you get some rest, the less likely it’ll actually happen. You end up watching the clock all night, desperately tired, thinking, “Ugh, I have to get up in five hours…. Four hours…three hours!” Of […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Imagine scientists invented a cheap way to lock humans into the age of their choice, but once you picked how old you wanted to be, it was irreversible. While most of us would probably be more or less happy with our new ages, some people would regret their decisions, wish they’d […]

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Sign language astrology

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) We’re taught the old cliché, “if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.” It’s actually not a bad philosophy, most of the time; few truly valuable goals can be achieved without persistence and determination. However, sometimes it’s preferable to realize that you won’t be able to accomplish something and […]

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Sign language astrology

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) It’s funny when little kids think they’re getting away with something, because they have no subtlety or craftiness whatsoever. Everything they’re up to is completely obvious to any adult observer. In some ways, you Virgos never outgrow this. Although of course you’ve developed more social skills and can lie effectively when […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Fighting is an art form. I’m not talking about fencing or Sumo wrestling, but rather simply the ability to conclusively resolve conflicts in a graceful way. This isn’t something that comes naturally to you Virgos. Although you’re not as likely to run from disagreeements as, say, a gentle Pisces, you still […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Even though this week is likely to throw some comically oversized wrenches into your plans, stifle the drama. Sure, these delays are a bit over the top, but they’re not the miserably unfair prison sentences you’re tempted to make them out to be. Blowing them even slightly out of proportion to […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) The show must go on, they say, and performers dedicated to this principle have endured tremendous hardship in order to make sure their team isn’t let down by their mishap. How much of your suffering can you put aside to spare others its consequences? How much are you willing to? Those […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) I love seeing people fulfill their potential (and subsequently discovering that they can go even further), and I get disappointed when they slack off in exploring its boundaries. There’s no need to be so incredibly driven and motivated that you never stop to enjoy the delicious fruits of your successes. However, […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) The superficial can matter. However, it shouldn’t outweigh deeper concerns; if you’re letting someone’s unibrow or love handles get in the way of your connection to them, you’re simply being too shallow. That doesn’t mean that you need to immediately love those imperfections, though. Perhaps over time you’ll learn to adore […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Sometimes getting through is the best you can hope for. Sure, we all want to shine in everything that happens to us, but expecting that of yourself right now is probably too demanding. Go easier on yourself, especially when things are this much of a struggle. You’ll be able to shine […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Leo Christina Perri uploaded her song, “Jar of Hearts,” to youTube on June 30. It was then used in a dance performance on So You Think You Can Dance, and subsequently rocketed up the charts. A couple weeks later she was doing national TV appearances and hundreds of thousands of people […]

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Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/19

L&D

Major key Last weekend a local couple was watching TV in their living room, having a relaxing evening, when suddenly […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/12

L&D

Jesus take the wheel A local couple recently decided to visit their church on a particularly warm and muggy Sunday […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/5

L&D

Flightless In a local park, police were dispatched to the crime scene. A woman called the police when she realized […]

The Docket: 8/29

285_2697643

Stolen in a nanosecond Just last week a woman visited her local sheriff’s office to place a tip on a […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 8/22

L&D

Totally secure knot …not In a local home a garage door was broken into. This garage door was perfectly secured […]