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The Advice Goddess

By Amy Alkon Rivals And Departures I’ve been dating a guy I really like for a month. He’s been in a long-distance relationship with a woman since last spring. They spend a week together every couple of months, and were off and on for a few years prior. She’s coming to visit for three weeks […]

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News Of The Weird

Updates Iconic female beauty in Mauritania (and in a few other African societies, as News of the Weird has reported) regards “rolling layers of fat” as the height of sexiness, according to a July dispatch by Marie Claire magazine, and professional force-feeders earn the equivalent of about $200 each from parents for bulking up their […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Even though this week is likely to throw some comically oversized wrenches into your plans, stifle the drama. Sure, these delays are a bit over the top, but they’re not the miserably unfair prison sentences you’re tempted to make them out to be. Blowing them even slightly out of proportion to […]

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News Of The Weird

By Chuck Shepherd Government in Action_______ Though volunteers got the project started in May, Ventnor City, NJ, continued through the summer to seek financial donations to finish the new restrooms that provide relief for those visiting the town’s Atlantic shore. Said Commissioner Stephen Weintrob, “How would someone like to have a toilet named after themselves, […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) The show must go on, they say, and performers dedicated to this principle have endured tremendous hardship in order to make sure their team isn’t let down by their mishap. How much of your suffering can you put aside to spare others its consequences? How much are you willing to? Those […]

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The Advice Goddess

Bye Now! (Pay Later) There’s never a good time to break up with your girlfriend, but there is a really bad time, and that’s what I chose. I did it over the phone as she was boarding a plane to attend her best friend’s wedding. I thought it would be good for her to be with […]

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News Of The Weird

LEAD STORY Woody Allen Joke Come to Life: Shirley Anderson, 71, is suing her son Ken, 46, in Vancouver, British Columbia, for parental support — even though she and his father had abandoned him when he was 15 (having one day just picked up and moved and, as in Mr. Allen’s joke, “left no forwarding […]

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The You Docs

Scared Off Of Calcium? Don’t Be. By Michael Roizen, M.D., And Mehmet Oz, M.D. Shake, rattle … and stall. If you’ve suddenly found yourself staring at your bottle of calcium pills — not sure whether to shake one out or skip it — you’re not alone in feeling rattled. A new study (getting almost as […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) I love seeing people fulfill their potential (and subsequently discovering that they can go even further), and I get disappointed when they slack off in exploring its boundaries. There’s no need to be so incredibly driven and motivated that you never stop to enjoy the delicious fruits of your successes. However, […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) The superficial can matter. However, it shouldn’t outweigh deeper concerns; if you’re letting someone’s unibrow or love handles get in the way of your connection to them, you’re simply being too shallow. That doesn’t mean that you need to immediately love those imperfections, though. Perhaps over time you’ll learn to adore […]

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News Of The Weird

By Chuck Shepherd LEAD STORY___________________ The Outer Frontiers of U.S. Immigration Policy: The $125 million Jay Peak ski resort in Vermont, with 120-room hotel, ice arena, golf course and the Northeast’s largest water park, is just months away from completion, thanks to half-million-dollar investments from each of 250 foreign nationals from 43 countries who, as […]

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The Advice Goddess

Want Salt And Pepper Spray With That? By Amy Alkon The girl of my dreams works at a restaurant I eat at almost every day. When she started six months ago, I began sitting in her section. I’ve never had feelings this strong. I can’t even look at her without freezing up. Two months ago, […]

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News Of The Weird

By Chuck Shepard LEAD STORY___________________ Among the promotions offered by New York City’s upscale Marmara Manhattan hotel is a “birth tourism” package exploiting the U.S. Constitution’s 14th Amendment. For about $35,000, a foreign expectant mother with a visa can spend her delivery week in luxury accommodations (including medical care) — and assure her baby automatic […]

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Sign Language Astrology

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Sometimes getting through is the best you can hope for. Sure, we all want to shine in everything that happens to us, but expecting that of yourself right now is probably too demanding. Go easier on yourself, especially when things are this much of a struggle. You’ll be able to shine […]

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Advice Goddess

The Larva Of The Party I love to dress up and go socialize with people. My boyfriend, however, can only smile friendly and chitchat for about 20 minutes before he seats himself in some corner and starts reading the host’s books. Last time we went to a dinner party, I found him alone in a […]

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News Of The Weird

By Chuck Shepherd The Entrepreneurial Spirit! ___ The dating Web site BeautifulPeople.com, supposedly limiting its reach only to the attractive (though claiming 600,000 members worldwide), announced recently that it would sponsor a companion egg and sperm bank for its members to sell their essences for a fee. However, as managing director Greg Hodge told Newsweek […]

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Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/19

L&D

Major key Last weekend a local couple was watching TV in their living room, having a relaxing evening, when suddenly […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/12

L&D

Jesus take the wheel A local couple recently decided to visit their church on a particularly warm and muggy Sunday […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 9/5

L&D

Flightless In a local park, police were dispatched to the crime scene. A woman called the police when she realized […]

The Docket: 8/29

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Stolen in a nanosecond Just last week a woman visited her local sheriff’s office to place a tip on a […]

Law & Disorder: The Docket 8/22

L&D

Totally secure knot …not In a local home a garage door was broken into. This garage door was perfectly secured […]