Vitality Check: 4/26/16

Heeeeeere’s Rocco!

By Rocco Castellano

What’s up b–ches? I’m back! I know all of you were wondering where I went … and the reason I know this is because I, as well as my editor, was inundated with calls and emails asking, “where the hell I had gone.” Now you don’t have to worry your pretty little heads any longer. The powers that be decided it was better for me to keep pissing people off. So here I am back at my keyboard punching you in the face with truth, justice and uncovering the bulls–t fed to you by the AMA, CDC, USDA, Big Pharma, Little Pharma and every other initialed government agency and corporate conglomerate that wants to kill you. Mine is not an easy task. It is actually a labor of love … some of you think it’s a labor of hate but then you would be wrong. I don’t hate all stupid individuals out there trying to peddle poison to you, I really don’t … I actually despise them and hope they die of brain cancer.

During my little sabbatical I came to realize new levels of indignation for my fitness and wellness foes. My upcoming columns will bite with more venom than just f-bombs. I’m going after the ones that want to hurt us, that want to lie to us, using marketing science that tells us that something is healthy when it is poison and slowly killing us … taking our bodies one organ at a time. It’s not going to be pretty but it will be fact-based and true. My opinions will be just that—opinions based on the research I, as well as my colleagues, have done. This time I’d like for you—yep you—to get more involved. If you read my column let me know. If you have a question or a deep seeded desire to stab me in my spleen, let us know. It will be more appealing if more people in the office know.

I think for this year I’m going to start exposing some very deceptive marketing schemes that are meant to only separate you from your wallet and not offer even a glimpse of health. I have at least four that I can rattle off to you. I’m not allowed to call them scams because, well … someone might have a problem with me calling scams “scams.” So “deceptive practices in marketing” it shall be, and they will be exposed for the pieces of s–t they are.

This spring and summer we are going to have more fun than is legal with the new column. If you haven’t noticed, we changed the name. If you did notice, I’m glad you’re paying attention. I am going to totally take you out of your comfort zone, and give you a “vitality check” with thought provoking columns, but this time around they will have more of a health, wellness, fitness and nutrition feel. I’m going to write more on the new research about how vaccines are literally making us sick, new inexpensive ways to stay healthy, a ton of new brain research … hint: I’m going to help many of you get your brains back. You’re going to lose weight by eating more fat. You will discover what you are dying from—“not” eating cholesterol. More on sugar for healthy stress levels. Most likely another one or two columns on how much I hate Planet Fitness and the idiots who go there. Of course I will bring my own sensibilities to the themed issues. I’m so looking forward to the annual LGBT and sex issues of the DCP this year. I most likely will be going on a permanent sabbatical after those … I haven’t written them yet but I know what’s percolating in this brain of mine. I get chills just knowing what can come out of it.

So this week before you get to read my next column, I want you to do me a favor and commit to becoming healthy. I’m here for you. I’m your greatest champion. It’s your health that’s important to me. So to start getting you out of your comfort zone, I want you to clean out your cabinets … or pantry … or under your bed. Everything thing that has soy, high fructose corn syrup, processed foods like trans-fats, (hydrogenated fats) preservatives. If it has any words in the ingredient list that you can’t pronounce I want you to throw it in the garbage—yes, the garbage. Do not bring it down to the food shelter. The poisons in the food you are throwing away should not be passed onto unassuming poor people. Just get rid of them … and don’t cry about the money you are wasting—you shouldn’t have bought them in the first place.

Well thanks to all of you loving fans. You spoke … the powers that be listened. I’m back, back in the Dayton groove.

Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit roccocastellano.com.

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Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit roccocastellano.com.

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