Say ahhhh, cough and…happy birthday

By Rocco Castellano

Maybe I’m just getting a little more sensitive in my old age…

But when I talk to people about juicing my own oranges for, you know, fresh-squeezed orange juice, squeezing my own lemons to make fresh-squeezed lemonade, making my own ice cream and growing my own fruits and vegetables because I would rather be able to control some of what goes in my body, the people I’m talking to look at me like my hair is on fire. What? Are you kidding me? Juice what? That shit takes too much time. You know what else takes up too much time? Trips to the doctor. I turned 51 in May. I go to the doctor once a year on my birthday. Yep, on my birthday. For the past 23 years since I’ve been doing this fun little tradition, my doctors have always said only one thing: Why are you here? You’re in perfect condition for a 29-year-old. I laugh and tell the doctor if I’m going to take my car in for a diagnostic, I might as well do it for myself.

If you’ve been reading my column for more than 30 days, you have probably concluded that I’m not a huge fan of a bunch of things—and that includes the medical community. As a whole, I believe that doctors go to all those years of school to really help society. I commend them on that. But it drives me crazy when these supposed intelligent individuals tow the party line spewed by big pharma. If more doctors did the responsible thing and helped people stay healthy, you wouldn’t have diabetes, cancer and heart disease epidemics.

So, when guys like me go on TV or write columns to point out particular problems, the first words out of people’s mouths are “Well, you’re not a doctor.” Damn right, I’m not. The funny thing is that if doctors studied as much about the food crisis, the food supply, how and why the body needs better nutrition and stopped accepting the lies that are continually reaped upon the public, then and only then will the Diseases of Stupidity diminish. So, as you can tell, I’m not a big fan of doctors—but I go to a doctor once a year to see how my body is doing because most labs won’t do blood work without a doctor’s referral.

Getting back to my birthday physical. I have done this every year since I moved to the Midwest when I was 28. I’m a little vague on the initiation of it, but I believe it was when I needed to get a physical for “key man” insurance for the company I was about to build. It was around my birthday, and the doctor was quite surprised at how healthy I was. It was strange because I was only 28. This particular doctor said that most people he saw who were heading toward 30 were overweight, had high blood pressure and had low testosterone levels. I was annoyed and flabbergasted. In 1994, the public health of America was in that much danger? How f–king naive I was back then. It’s worse now. When I go the doctor now, I just laugh and thank God that he has blessed me with the knowledge and genetics to fight off what I call the Diseases of Stupidity. Now, like then, I’m being compared to a very unhealthy population, the over 50 crowd.

I know all you 20-somethings out there truly believe Bernie Sanders is God and disease can’t happen to you, but you would be wrong on both accounts. Here are a few statistics from “Chronic Conditions Among Older Americans – AARP”:

“More than 70 million Americans ages 50 and older—four out of five older adults—suffer from at least one chronic condition.

More than half of older adults have more than one chronic condition, and 11 million live with five or more chronic conditions.

Over 40 percent of all older Americans have high blood pressure, and more than one in four has high cholesterol.

Almost 20 percent of older Americans suffer from some sort of mental illness.

Almost 15 percent [of older Americans] have diabetes.

The prevalence of mental illness increased almost 70 percent [between 1997 and 2006].”

Pretty f–king awful statistics, if you ask me.

So I have taken on the responsibility to help all of you become smarter, keeping the Diseases of Stupidity at bay. So if you have a birthday coming up, I want you to go get a physical. At that physical, I want you to ask for a chemistry panel and a complete blood count (CBC). These blood tests will provide a range of answers to some really good questions, but, more importantly, diagnostic information to assess your critical minerals, vascular, liver, kidney and blood cell status. The CBC measures the number, variety, percentage, concentration and quality of platelets, red blood cells and white blood cells, which helps in screening for infections, anemia and other hematological abnormalities. The chemistry panel also screens cholesterol and glucose—all good things to know when creating a new plan to build a healthier you. These tests are a good gauge to see where you are and where you want to be. I will be writing a column about how to read the blood tests… so watch out for it.

Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit

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Rocco Castellano is the author of “askROCCO Uncensored v1,” a speaker and a controversial fitness personality who has won an Emmy for his fitness training role in MTV’s Made. For more information, please visit

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